A Love Story For Lilly
by smallhope
Summary: This is christian fiction, contemporary. It is very loosely based on the story of Jacob and Rachel. Please R&R. Thanks.
1. Chapter 1

**A Love Story For Lilly**

CHAPTER 1

Lilly wrapped her arms around her slender waist in an effort to keep herself warm against the biting wind, but she couldn't seem to stop shivering. This was strange. It was cold all right, but she had started shaking even before she got out of the tiny used-books Bookstore, where she had just finished her late afternoon shift. It would be absolutely horrible if she was catching a cold right now. With two papers due on Monday, she hardly had any time to spare while nursing a fever. Anyway, everything seemed a bit hazy in her mind right now, so she didn't bother to think things through, just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. The bus stop had never seemed so far away.

Suddenly a car pulled over by the pavement, just a couple of inches from her feet. She quickly stepped aside, confused, but as she did so she heard a cheerful voice:

"Hey there ! "

"What? ... Oh, Theo, hi! How are you? Are you trying to run me over perhaps?"

She had always thought that his eyes were his best feature, with a color like the summer sky when you try to look at it, but are slightly blinded by the sun. But now, as she turned to look at him, his smiling eyes seemed to be the only thing of him that she could see. Suddenly she didn't feel quite so bad.

"I hope not", he said, laughing. Then he seemed to observe her more carefully. "Are you ok?" he sounded concerned. "You look a little… Do you need a ride somewhere?"

Now, Lilly would never have dreamed on imposing on anyone, even if it happened to be the brother of her best friend. But she was feeling so terribly tired suddenly, so she simply said:

"Oh, I'm just going to the bus stop, it's a couple of blocks from here."

"Well then, get in, get in. Even if you escape this wind for only a few minutes, it will be good".

"Thanks". She got in, feeling a little embarrassed, but as soon as she was seated, she felt so much better that she forgot everything else.

Theo pulled the car gently off the curb, without saying anything much. Lilly had a general phobia of vehicles, but Theo was one of the very few drivers that made her feel perfectly safe in the car. His sister, Mary, was one another such person, but she was quite careful not to mention any of these thoughts to her father, who considered himself quite a good driver. Even if she was twenty years old now, she was still his little girl and as such she knew that even a little imaginary competition would hurt his feelings.

They continued in companionable silence for a while. The traffic was thick in the city.

They were stuck in a red light for a few minutes and Theo turned to look at her. He was surprised to see that she had leaned back and her eyes were closed, as if she were sleeping or resting. He frowned. She looked so pale, especially in contrast with the woolen red scarf that was wrapped around her throat. Her hands lay helplessly on her lap, in their matching red mittens and under her eyes were faint grey shadows. He realized how tired she must be and, as the light became green, he decided to try not to disturb her. Every now and then he turned to look at her and was further worried when he found that she wasn't moving at all.

They had arrived at the bus stop for a few moments, but he couldn't make up his mind to rouse her. He just sat there watching her. Finally, he decided he had better wake her up, in case her bus came and she missed it. He touched her shoulder and she almost jumped from the car-seat.

"Oh, I am so sorry. Are we there? Thank you so much. Bye". With that, she opened the door and started to get out. She was feeling funny again, but it was probably from going out again in the cold.

Without thinking, Theo simultaneously jumped out of his own door and rushed around to her side. Something in the way she looked told him there was no time for thinking.

He caught her just before her head hit the curb.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

He caught her in his arms and eased her gently on the car-seat she had just left. Then he took off her mittens and rubbed her cold hands while softly calling her name. Every moment that passed by he became more and more frightened, but after a couple of times he had called her name, she slowly opened her eyes. He sent a silent prayer of thanks as he looked anxiously in her eyes. She started to apologize, but he stopped her.

"Shh. How are you feeling? No, don't try to speak just yet. Wait here a minute, will you? Don't go anywhere; I'll be back before you know it."

He was indeed back in seconds, with a tin can of orange juice in his hands. He made her drink a few sips and as soon as he saw a little colour return to her face, he shut her door and got behind the wheel. He started driving purposefully, but every other second he turned to check on her. She was sitting up now, but still looking kind of lost.

"Please drink a bit more ok?"

"I am so sorry. I don't know what happened. I am so sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about." But he was looking so tense and serious that she felt the need to apologize again.

"I'm sor-" then she realized they were moving and at quite an alarming pace too, for that matter, so she said instead, "where are we going?"

"To the hospital."

"Oh no no, please. I feel terrible!"

"You do?" he sent an anxious look her way. Then he pressed the accelerator. She glanced in alarm at the cars they were dodging this way and that.

"No, I meant, I'm fine. Really. Please, I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused and thanks for taking me this far…."

He looked at her and suddenly smiled widely.

"So that's what's the matter eh? So you want me to drop you off …er… right here perhaps?"

"Well, yeah sure…." But the car didn't seem to be slowing down any.

"Are you sure? Are you telling me the truth?" He was serious again. And it was odd, but he was giving her a look that kind of reminded her of some looks her father had been known to give her at times.

"Yes, I am sure. I am feeling perfect. Really."

He didn't answer, but seemed to relax a little.

"So why aren't you stopping the car?"

He didn't seem to hear her, although a moment later he said lightly:

"Please feel free to tell me if I take a wrong turn or something, I'm not sure I remember the way exactly."

"All right, but don't you think it's a little soon to have forgotten? I mean, we were at the bus stop a few minutes ago. Although actually it's a bit far back now, so I will look for another stop. Oh dear, I am so sorry to be causing so much trouble…"

He just smiled and didn't say anything, assuming she knew he was taking her home and that she was just joking. For a while he concentrated on the road, but then he glanced at her briefly and saw that she had become very pale again. He found the can of juice with his hand and gently put it between her fingers.

"Please don't faint on me again" he said, in a hoarse whisper.

He saw that she was obediently taking little sips and gripped the wheel more tightly, all the time trying to remain calm.

It did occur to him to wonder why he was concerned so much, but he said to himself, I will think about it later.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, yes. I really don't know what…"

"Well, I do". Suddenly he seemed angry. He felt angry, but he himself didn't know exactly why that was. All he wanted to do at the moment was somehow find an outlet for this terrible, irrational anger, which seemed to grow every minute. "I really can't understand why you always want to do more and better than everyone else. I mean, everyone our age is either in college or has a job, but you have to be doing both at the same time and no, not even just that. You are working at two jobs! I mean, it stands to reason that you would be exhausted; I wonder how you could even be good at everything, which you probably aren't…. No, I'm sorry I didn't mean that. It's just that, well, I don't think it's very wise of you to do things all day, to run from one job to another with hardly a minute to think in between. And why? Why? It's not as if you don't have any other purpose in life than just to be successful, is it? Because that's why most people do such things for. I just thought that we were different, that you were different. That you already had a meaningful life, without having to rush from one place to the other just to pass the time and almost killing yourself in the process."

She looked at him, surprised. She hadn't expected that. She had supposed he would be slightly annoyed with her, for making him go into all this trouble for her, but she could never have expected such an outburst. He had never acted like that before, that she knew of. She felt so awfully mortified and betrayed. She wished she could get out right then and there, but decided she wouldn't behave like a child. She would simply look out of the window until they arrived.

"Take a left here."

"I know."

"It's ok, you can drop me off here. It's only half a block away."

"Really, please, pull over here, and I'll just-"

"You'll do no such thing." This was rather abrupt as well, but thankfully the next minute they stopped by her front door.

She made no delay in thanking him and getting out, but he just kept looking at her anxiously until he saw her get safely in the house. Then he slowly made a u-turn and stopped the car by the pavement to softly bang his head against the driving wheel.

"Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry, I really don't know what got into me. I hurt her didn't I? I know I sometimes am judgmental, but really there was no need for that. She is such a sweet little girl, dear Lord, please take care of her."

At this point he realized his prayer was starting to stray from the subject at hand, so he started the car and left.

He knew, however, that apologizing to God wasn't enough. He would have to apologize to her, too, somehow.

What he didn't yet realize, being a man and all, was that the reason he had gotten so angry was that he was beginning to care far too much for Lilly Pendleton. Far too much for a man who was engaged to be married.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Lilly didn't say anything to her parents, so as not to alarm them. She knew that they very dearly regretted her having to work, but there was nothing that could be done about it. With her two older brothers now married and gone from the house to create families of their own, the financial burdens of the family rested solely on her own and her father's shoulders.

She would always remember the pride she felt when she got her first job. She was only seventeen then and still going to school, but she insisted on working as a part-time waitress in the evenings. Her parents objected terribly at first, but she finally got their permission and if they were to be frank, even that little income was a great relief to their household.

Her father made it a point never to complain about monetary matters, and this was a habit he had passed on to her, but she did know that they needed the money badly, what with her mother's treatments and all. A pastor's salary wasn't all that large, after all and once upon a time her mother had been able to work too. But since she had been diagnosed with breast cancer about five years ago, the treatments had left her too weak for work outside the house. She continued to be however a wonderful secretary for her husband's small parish needs and a loving mother to her three now grown up children.

This year however, things had gotten a bit tighter in the Pendleton household, as the income of their second son, Tom, had been withdrawn, after he got married. That's when Lilly had suggested that she drop off college, but her father wouldn't think of it. So she finally managed to find a second job, tutoring little children in English, which was to be, after all, her major. She did love both her jobs, at the bookstore and with the kids, but obviously they were beginning to take their toll on her.

Well, she would be more careful about never leaving the house without a sensible meal, and pray that something like the incident that had just happened wouldn't occur again.

As soon as she got home, she fell into a deep sleep from which she didn't wake for so many hours that her parents were alarmed. When she woke up in the morning however she was feeling herself again and she earnestly thanked the Lord that He provided for her by bringing Theo there beside her at exactly the right time. And indeed she was thankful both for and to him as well. But still, she couldn't forget all the awful things he had told her afterwards. She couldn't help but think that he resented having helped her and also that he despised her for some reason.

She was terribly relieved the next day when she spoke to Mary and she didn't mention anything, which probably meant that he hadn't shared the humiliating event with her, or his contempt of her, for that matter. That was at least a consolation, but his behaviour did still sting, for Theodore Theobald was still the brother of her very best friend and the one young man in the parish that her father respected and admired the most, and counted himself really proud to be his friend.

Anyway, life has to go on, no matter that our closest friends in life may seem to have betrayed us, so Lilly finally decided to try not to think about it at all. It wasn't the easiest thing of course, what with seeing him about four times a week in general at church and all, but he never really talked to her much anyway, so it was no problem to avoid him. She did feel his eyes on her a lot during the Sunday sermon, but she put it down to her being nervous around him, because of everything that had happened.

The following Wednesday, exactly a week after the "incident", at approximately the same hour, she left the bookstore and headed for the bus-stop. She froze on her tracks however, as soon as she got out the store's door. For there, standing on the opposite pavement, right in front of her was Theo. She thought for a moment that she would try to pretend she didn't see him, but that was obviously foolish, so she crossed the street bravely to meet him.

"Hello, Theo, how are you? What a surprise to see you here!"

It hardly seemed possible, but he seemed even more shy and at a loss for words than she.

"I came for you", he said simply. "I want to apologize to you for those horrible things I told you last week, I have absolutely no excuse and you were unwell too and it was awful of me, really I am so ashamed of myself-"

"It's all right."

"No it's not and I-"

"Oh, come on", she cut him off again, because as gratifying and soothing to her wounded pride this apology was, she was never good at holding grudges and his humility made her feel uncomfortable. "If we start apologizing to each other, I really don't know if we will ever be able to stop."

Finally, he smiled.

"Only I don't think you have anything to apologize about. And", he continued as she was about to speak, "if you say you're sorry for all the trouble you caused me one more time, I will run you over with my car, as you were so rightly afraid I might do the last time."

She didn't know what to say to that, but she did feel a kind of warmth spreading in her heart.

"Listen." He seemed shy again and a little uncomfortable. "I also came for another reason. It may sound strange to you, but I haven't been able to stop worrying about you since what happened last Wednesday. I mean, what if you had been on the bus when it happened, or walking in the street? Oh, God, I can't even bare to think of it. What if you had lain there and nobody had cared for you for hours? Or what if the wrong person had happened by-" He stopped abruptly and looked away, trying to compose himself. Lilly just stared at him, wondering where this was going.

"So I was wondering if you would let me drive you home at least every Wednesday, Mary tells me this is perhaps the most difficult day in the week for you." She just kept looking at him perplexed. After a brief pause where she didn't speak, he said again:

"Please, don't make this a bigger deal than it is. I just want to help you. So will you please just get in the car, ok? Just please, do it for my peace of mind."

So she sat in his car again. How could she say no to that boyish smile of his?

They passed most of the time in comfortable silence, like before, only this time he wasn't quite so tense.

When they arrived, she tried again to thank him but he stopped her.

"If you really want to thank me, please just please don't pull another one on me like you did last Wednesday."

But then he turned and smiled to her.

The next Wednesday he had been standing in the cold for about five minutes, when the bookstore's door opened and Lilly came rushing out to him, with no coat on, her cheeks all red. When she came to him, running happily across the street, his breath was caught.

"Hi" she said softly.

"Hey, what are you doing outside without your coat? You'll catch your death!"

"I just wanted to tell you I'll be a few more minutes, why don't you come inside? Have you been standing here long?"

It was really warm and cozy inside the bookstore. Theo took off his jacket and looked around him. Books, some new, but mainly used, were lining every wall and corner. Armchairs and little tables were scattered around the room and in the corner there was an old piano. He sat down on a chair near the only window, which however was so large it almost took up one entire wall. The whole store had the comfortable air of a country sitting room. The owner, a stylish middle-aged woman, going by the name of "Mrs. Dorothy", was sitting at the counter reading a magazine and briefly glanced at Theo, as soon as he came in while Lilly went and sat herself at a little desk with a computer on top, obviously continuing what she was doing before, registering books from a small pile on her right. Theo was looking at the piano with interest.

"Will you play a little for me, please?"

He didn't answer her, but after a bit he sat down and began a simple but sweet melody. She closed her eyes and absorbed it all.

Later, when they were in the car, she told him:

"I loved what you were playing. You made it up just then didn't you? I have always been jealous of people who could just play from their heads."

"You have? Well, the truth is I have always wanted to be able to play better, like you, for example. It's just that most of the things I know about music I learned myself, you know."

"Yes, I do. And it is to your credit, too. I don't think I would ever have the willpower to learn something without a teacher."

For a while no one spoke. But finally, she decided to say something she had been thinking of all this past week.

"It is very kind of you to do this for me. You know, since you don't approve and everything."

"Lilly." She realized it was the first time he had said her name. She liked the sound of it from him. "Please, don't think that I disapprove. When I apologized, I meant it. I don't think I have any right to judge you or anyone for that matter." Here he paused; he seemed to be forming his next words. "You see, it's just that I have my opinions as to how the Bible tells us that we should live, if we really want to please the Lord and I can sometimes be a bit strict. I do try however to practice my preaching more on myself than on others." He turned to her and smiled so disarmingly, that it took the sting out of his words.

"I agree with you, actually. And that's why I am disturbed by the thought that you should think of me the things that you said…"

He stopped the car abruptly and turned to her.

"All right, let's make something clear. I really didn't mean the things I said to you then. I think I was so worried about you, that it came out as this- this terrible anger at you, but I really think that you are a serious and responsible person and you must have your reasons for living as you do." He looked carefully at her face. "Ok?"

She nodded silently and they started again.

"A pastor's salary could never be enough, you know." He looked at her with a question in his eyes. "For my mother's treatments", she continued quietly.

"Oh…….. I didn't know. She has had to have more treatment? I- I am so sorry, I don't know what to say." He pressed his lips tightly together. "I can't imagine how it must be for you."

"Oh she is fine, really. The prognosis is rather good. Besides, you know, that phrases we always use, the things we always say to one another at church, sometimes the time comes for us to live by them."

He nodded.

"It really is all in God's hands, whether we worry about it or not."

He turned and looked at her for quite a long time, so that she began to glance anxiously at the road, but there was no other car coming, fortunately.

He didn't say anything more, not even when they arrived and she thanked him. Only he got out quickly and rushed to open her door for her. She smiled at him, but the serious expression never left his face.

He was still deep in thought when he reached his own destination, about a half hour later, and his phone had rung three times during that time. He didn't even glance at the caller's ID, however. His eyes could barely focus in the road ahead, for they were suddenly misty.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Catherine opened the door to him, quickly disguising the rather sour look on her face. She greeted him kindly, however, and poured him a warm cup of coffee as soon as they were in.

Then she pouted, in what she considered an adorable manner.

"Theo, where have you been, sweetie? I have been waiting for ever". He seemed rather distracted however, and did not answer her immediately. She looked at him more closely and saw that his eyes were sort of wet. And they were red. Odd, that. Anyway, she had bigger things to consider. Like how to find out where he had been, while not appearing too inquisitive.

"I did call you three times, but you didn't answer. Was your phone off or something?"

"No, no, only I was on my way here, and I thought I might save you a penny…"

"Oh, ok. But, you know I was just worried about you and I so needed you here today. It has been one of those days you know." She tried to look pathetic. It worked. He got up and went and sat next to her on the sofa and took one of her hands in his.

"Was it? I am so sorry. Tell me everything."

"Well", she hesitated until her hand received another reassuring thug. "I ran into him after work." Her lips trembled.

"Him, who?"

"You know, Christy." She as sobbing now and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her protectively, as she had hoped he would.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. What that guy did to you was…. I can't even speak about it, it makes me so mad. But it's all in the past now, isn't it? You have me now, Cathy, dear."

"I have asked you before, don't call me that. My name is Catherine. Why can't you do this for me?" She asked, amidst her sobs.

Theo got up abruptly, and she regretted her tone. He went in the kitchen, where he met and greeted her mother, and brought her back a box of tissues.

"I'm sorry, honey, for speaking to you like that, it's just that meeting him reminded me of everything again and….."

"I know, I know. Shh now, it's going to be ok." He sat back down beside he and she was so satisfied that she finally wiped her tears, although she still pretended to have a little hiccup from all the crying.

While waiting for her to compose herself, his mind went again over what has happened between her and Christy. It really made him angrier than ever to think of it now, but he suspected there was another reason today than the usual one.

Once upon a time Christy had been his best friend. He hadn't been all that long in church, because he had become a believer barely three years ago, but since the first day he stepped inside the small church, they had been inseparable. No matter that he had been pushing thirty, at least five years older than Theo, closer to Catherine's age really, now that he thought of it. Maybe that was why everyone, including Catherine herself, of course, had assumed at some point that they would "make a match of it". Now that he thought of it, Theo realized that he had never actually seen any indication that Christy showed any marked interest in Catherine, nor had he ever talked about marriage plans to him, even though they had discussed marriage a few times. He quickly put that thought away. His loyalties were with Catherine now, and the last thing his relationship with her needed was for him to question the truth of her erstwhile assumptions.

Anyway, as Christy seemed to be making no definite moves, Catherine's mother had taken it upon herself to bring things to a happy conclusion. So she took Christy aside one day and gently but firmly pointed to him his duty. It was time, she said, to make an announcement, because people were starting to talk about him and her daughter and it really wasn't fair to a young Christian girl's reputation. Christy had been terribly surprised and quite confused at first, but as soon as he found out what on earth she was talking about, he wasted no time in disillusioning her and told her in very clear terms that he did not and had never had any intention whatsoever of marrying her daughter. Here there were some rather harsh words said to him, but Theo had no way of knowing that. He really had no way of knowing any of this and wouldn't have, if Dianne, Catherine's mother, hadn't tearfully related the whole to him the very next day. She was so hurt and bitter, she said, because on top of everything she had spoken to the pastor about it and asked, as the Scriptures ordered, that "that man" should be publicly exposed for what he was and scorned therefore by all the congregation, and he had simply smiled and said that he wasn't quite sure he had read that particular scripture in his own Bible, and would she be so kind as to show him where she had found it in hers.

Finding him quite unenthusiastic about the last part of her speech, however, she swiftly changed course and, shedding a few tears in the process, shared with him her anxiety about Catherine, as the sweet girl seemed to have taken this blow to her reputation, not to mention her heart, rather heavily. Indignation and just anger aroused within him, he eagerly promised to have lunch at their home on Sunday, so as to help Catherine to overcome her shyness, because she had threatened never to come back to church after what had happened.

That was how he had found himself dining at the Culver household almost more often than he dined at his own. And that was also how he found himself driving a hysterical Catherine and Mrs. Culver to the hospital one afternoon, because the latter had suddenly succumbed to palpitations, while once again referring to the infamous, as she loved calling it, betrayal of her daughter. As Theo had happened to be visiting at that time and Mr. Culver was out, he anxiously offered to drive her to the hospital, as Dianne seemed to have a general fear of ambulances. While they were waiting for the doctors to run some tests and thoroughly examine her, Theo had done his best to comfort Catherine, who seemed truly despondent, because as she said, she had no other friends left now, after what had happened, but her mother. And if something happened to her…. She was often interrupted by a fresh torrent of tears, which made Theo really uncomfortable and had him frantically thinking for possible ways to stop them.

And finally, that was how, later that evening, he had found himself driving a much reassured and calmer Mrs. Culver (the doctors had said that there was absolutely nothing to worry about) and a very much engaged Catherine back home. Very much engaged to him.

Of course that meant the end of his friendship with Christy, because even if he himself had been able to overlook Christy's behaviour to his fiancée (which he really hadn't been able to do), she would never have allowed him to even shake hands with him, making a terrible row and threatening to break off the engagement the very few times that had happened. He did wonder sometimes however, whether he should have explained to Christy the reason for this sudden change, but he so hated to agitate Catherine and everything that followed that and, he reasoned further, Christy surely must know in his own heart what he had done. So much the worse for him, he thought, for not realizing it and not having the courage to make a proper apology. So there the matter rested.

Today, however, as he watched Catherine wipe her eyes and bravely trying to smile to him, he suddenly realized that if this whole story hadn't happened he might still be free. That made him resent Christy's behaviour all the more, but he soon realized how wrong that thought must be, for an engaged man to be wishing he were free of his sweet bondage, and quickly discarded it. He really did love Catherine, and although sometimes it seemed to him that he had proposed to her rather hurriedly, they had known each other almost all their lives, so it was probably God's timing that had brought them together at this time.

He shook himself out of these thoughts and tried to be pleasant for the rest of the evening. A bit later her father came in and they had dinner all together and then he left, because he suddenly felt more tired than he ever had in his life.

"Catherine, is everything ok between you two? Theo seemed a little preoccupied, I thought."

"Oh, mom, I don't know, he seemed so to me too. I don't know what's going on. He's been like that this whole week. I don't know what to do, really.

"Now listen, dear." Her mother put down the pile of dirty plates she was carrying, for emphasis. "Your father and I, we have never denied you anything that you wanted, have we Nicholas?"

He father grunted behind his newspaper.

"Just so. So, you see, with a little help from us, you finally got what you really wanted. That was what you wanted, wasn't it?"

She nodded, although there had been some doubts in her mind of late, but the look on her mother's face gave her no room for another answer.

"Good." It suddenly occured to her that there was no little amount of triumph in her mother's eyes as she said that. "But, darling, you cannot depend upon us for every thing, you know. I mean, what if he starts behaving this way after you're married? Will you come to me then too, looking for ideas?"

"What do you mean, if he behaves this way? He didn't do anything."

"Really? So being late when you are expecting him, not answering your calls, acting distracted and aloof, you call that nothing? I'm surprised at you Catherine. I thought I had taught you not to be satisfied with anything but the very best. And believe me, what I saw here tonight between you and Theodore wasn't the best."

"Well, so what do I do?"

"Really, Catherine, must I tell you everything? You find out what or who", here she gave her daughter a pointed look, "it was that kept him, and you make sure that it never happens again."

"I know that's what I have to do, but I don't like nagging him all the time. I mean, he might get tired of it."

He mother sighed as is she was exasperated.

"Who said anything about talking to _him_, dear? Really, now, that wouldn't be clever. Always remember, Catherine, what I have told you. A smart woman removes the obstacles from the way to a man's heart without letting him know how hard the road she travels to reach him has been. Think on that, eh?" she touched her daughter's cheek lightly and went to load the dishwasher.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

The next Wednesday, when Lilly got out the door of the bookstore, she couldn't believe her eyes. Was this some kind of test? Or was it possible that Catherine had only spoken to her and never said a word to Theo? No, that couldn't be possible, they were a couple after all, and couples always told everything to each other, didn't they? Anyway, she started walking, pretending he wasn't standing there, on the opposite pavement.

But he ran to her and he appeared confused and even a bit hurt.

"Hey, there", he said as if he had no idea what she was doing. "Didn't you see me? Come on, I'm double-parked." He made as if to take her arm.

She looked at him astonished. Ok, if he wanted to pretend nothing had happened, it was fine by her. But she wasn't that fond of games, herself.

"Hello. Sorry, I won't be coming with you today. Bye!" She went on walking briskly ahead, but in a moment he caught up with her.

"Hey, hey! What's going on? We had an agreement!" he tried to joke.

Now she stopped and turned fully to him. Was it possible that he in fact didn't know?

"Please, stop it. It's not funny if someone is hurt, you know. Why didn't you tell me before that Catherine didn't like it? I would never-"

"Whoa, hold on. Did you say Catherine? What does she have to do with this?"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Lilly no. I swear I'm serious. What happened? What did she say to you? Please tell me."

"Well, nothing, she just said that it wasn't right… that she would prefer-" Suddenly she stopped, remembering some of the things Catherine had told her. Her cheeks flushed red and she hung her head down in shame. "Please, please don't come here ever again, ok?"

With that she ran down the street to her bus stop.

Theo was just left there standing, staring after her.

In the meanwhile, Lilly had gotten on the bus, her brain reeling at the thought of the things Catherine had said to her the day before, at church. She had come to her immediately after the service, just as soon as Lilly had stood up form behind the organ, greeted her with a smile and kissed her in both cheeks and then said:

"Really, Lilly, can't you find a man of your own? Must you go around stealing other girls' husbands?"

Lilly stared at her, momentarily bereft of speech.

"Oh, come on, honestly, did you think I wouldn't find out? Thankfully, some of us actually have God on our side and He wouldn't let you ruin His plan for my life."

"Catherine, what are you talking about?"

"You know very well what I am talking about. Looking at you, I feel like I am doing battle with Satan himself, but God has promised me the victory. So hear this, Lilly Pendleton. You may continue to have secret rendezvous with my fiancé, if your conscience doesn't tell you otherwise, but just know that God's hand will fall heavy upon you in the end. Theo is so sweet, who knows with what lies you manipulated him and made him think this was ok, but you know as well as I do, that he is not one to tolerate sin and so just imagine what is going to happen when he finds out your deceit."

Lilly started to say something even she couldn't understand but Catherine had turned away to speak to someone else, the smile never having left her face all this time.

For the rest of the ride home, Lilly couldn't get out of her mind the thought that Catherine's light green eyes above her smiling lips resembled more than anything else a snake's.

Over the next couple of weeks, her parents became more and more worried about her. She hardly seemed to eat at all and she never smiled. Once she fainted at work, and then she confessed to them it had happened to her again recently, so they took her to the doctor. He said it was exhaustion and lack of proper nutrition. After that her mother began to take special care of her, to see that she ate properly, but she could see that her daughter was unhappy. She tried to ask a few discreet questions, but when she saw that Lilly wasn't forthcoming with answers, she resorted to what she knew was the best and safest way to deal with any matter, to prayer.

Lilly in the meantime was very sorry to worry her parents like this, but she couldn't help but feel depressed. She dreaded going to church every time, because there she would meet Catherine's snaky eyes and her white, resentful face; her mother's accusatory looks; and Theo's kind smile. She wanted to tell him never to look at her again, never to try to talk to her, because that made her even more hateful to his fiancée and her mother, but she would have to speak with him to do that, and that was the one thing she would never do.

On top of everything else, the poison seemed to have reached Mary's ears, for she had started acting strangely. She had stopped texting her and seemed very cold and reserved every time they met. She had cancelled on her a couple of times, too, all in the course of one week and she had stopped sitting next to her at the youth group.

Lilly was so hurt, but she was embarrassed, too, because of the things Catherine had told her. They made her feel somehow dirty and guilty, although she knew in her heart that she had no intention of stealing this or any other fiancé from any other girl.

The most difficult time perhaps was when Theo sat next to the piano, where she was playing during youth ministry, to accompany the hymns on his guitar. She felt so guilty, that once, when they were finished playing and she got up to go to her seat, she was shaking so badly, that she stumbled and would have fallen, but Theo steadied her.

He looked into her eyes anxiously and asked her if she was all right.

That was all, really, she quickly nodded and went and sat down, but for some mysterious reason she didn't feel quite so alone and friendless that evening.

Anyway, the worst came to worst one Sunday morning, when, after the service, Lilly found herself quite alone, with no one coming near her to chat or even say hello. She decided it must be just a coincidence and went over to where most of the young people were standing and seemingly talking with great enthusiasm about something. To her surprise, no one made room for her to get in the huddle, so she stood slightly further away and listened. They were making plans to meet later in the afternoon and where arguing over whether to go out for coffee or pizza. It was the very first time she wasn't the one asked to organize the whole thing, she wasn't even invited. And Mary was in the midst of it all laughing and shouting, trying to be heard over the noise.

She turned on her heel and fled home, without even having said hello to her brothers or their wives.

At home nobody remarked on her sudden exit, but she saw that her mother had set the table only for three, which was strange, because at Sundays her brothers always came and had dinner with them. She felt too tired however to ask, and she sat down to the table without much appetite or any interest in her parents' conversation. Then something caught her ear.

"I had my concerns from the first about this young couple", her father was saying, "but I thought, Theo isn't blind. He must know what he is doing. Let alone the fact that I couldn't very well tell him that his mother-in-law-to-be and his fiancée had entrapped him into this engagement, could I?"

"No", her mother agreed thoughtfully. "And even if you had, you know, he might tell you that there was nothing wrong with that."

"Yes, but I have my doubts about whether or not a union such as this would be blessed by the Lord, when it is based on pride and selfishness, at least on the one side."

"Not to mention the lies."

Lilly knew her mother was referring to Chris. He had spent long hours talking with her father and was convinced that what Dianne had spread about him jilting her daughter were completely lies.

"Yes. It was a great pity that Theo and Christy are so terribly estranged now, but when she starts spreading malicious gossip all over the congregation about my very own daughter, the time has come when something must be done about it."

Lilly looked abruptly up at her father. So he knew. Of course he knew, he must have been one of the first to hear the rumor and who knows what exactly he had heard. She felt so ashamed of herself right now.

"Daddy", she began, but her father interrupted her.

"Theo told me everything, little girl. He apologized about a hundred times I think, although I told him there was nothing he had done wrong and thanked him too for taking upon himself a duty I should have seen to."

"Daddy that's ridiculous and you know it."

"Anyway, the truth is I got so terribly angry and I would have rushed then and there to confront these two women…. But the Lord spoke to me and I managed to calm myself. Sweetheart, I want you to know that I would like nothing better than to get up on the pulpit and tell the whole story, so that everyone should know that you are innocent and those- those…" He stopped here, but continued after a moment. "But I know that this is not the Lord's way, nor the Lord's time. Will you be patient with me and pray about how to handle this matter? I know it must be terribly painful for you, but I really think that the Lord's way is worth waiting."

"Yes, daddy. I think so too." She smiled, but a minute later she was flung on her bed and crying as if she would never be able to stop.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Another week had passed. Lilly's heart was still hurting but the atmosphere at church had started to thaw little by little. Lilly didn't know this as yet, but she had Theo to thank for this, for he had been slowly and discreetly setting the record straight, as far as it concerned himself and Lilly. Lilly only suspected he had a hand on this miraculous change when Mary started behaving more warmly towards her. She didn't apologize openly, but Lilly didn't care for that. All she wanted was her friend back and for that, in her heart, she was very thankful to Theo. In her heart only however, because she still didn't dare to speak to him.

That's why she was so surprised one day when, answering her cell, she heard his voice. He sounded serious, but as if he had prepared what he was saying to her. Instead of greeting her, he said as soon as she spoke:

"Lilly it's Theo, can I talk to you for a minute, or is this a bad time?"

"No, it's fine." Instinctively, she went and shut the door to her room.

He cleared his voice.

"I was wondering if you could pop outside for a few minutes, I want to speak with you. Can you meet me at the coffeehouse on Honor's Street?"

"Oh, Theo, I really couldn't. It would be wrong and after what happened…"

"I love you."

"What did you say?"

"I found out I am falling in love with you and I just wanted to tell you in person. And before you say anything, I have told Catherine that I don't feel that our engagement should go on."

"Lilly, are you there?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm here. I'll meet you in five minutes."

The coffeehouse was a very quiet place and she found him as soon as she walked in. He got up when he saw her and she sat across the table from him, neither of them saying a word.

Then he looked her in the eyes.

"I love you, Lilly."

She opened her mouth to speak, but she really had no idea what she was going to say. He took her hand gently.

"No, no, you don't have to say anything. Please. I absolutely understand if you want to go. I have made such a muddle of things."

"Why do you say that? I- I am so thankful to you for everything that you have done for me… You know, it occurred to me recently that not even my brothers have ever cared for me this way, giving me rides after work and defending me publicly…"

"Well, if I hadn't caused you to be so hurt by the one, I wouldn't have had to do the other."

She just smiled.

"Tell me, have you been well lately? I have been praying like crazy about you, what with not being able to give you that ride on Wednesdays and all." He paused. "Lilly, I know that you are very unhappy, and believe me I could shoot myself for bringing all this trouble on you. I mean the things that were said about you- _you_ of all people! At first I couldn't believe it, but then, I saw your face and I knew it was true. I will never be able to forget how hurt and forlorn you looked, I felt like I had killed somebody…." He buried his head in his hands.

"Theo", she leaned forward, "you do know that it wasn't your fault, don't you?"

He looked up and she was surprised to see the sad look on his face.

"Well, that's another area where I totally blew things, isn't it? I mean, I who is always preaching to others and judging others and taking such pride in my spiritual maturity… how could I have been so blind, how could I not have seen her as she was?"

"Did she take it all right?"

"Oh Lilly, dearest Lilly, you probably know exactly how she reacted, but you don't want to hurt my feelings. Listen", he continued after a brief pause, "I want to tell you this, because when I am with you, your clear eyes looking straight into my soul, I somehow feel the need to confess my every failing and try to be as clean as you. No, don't interrupt me; what I am saying is absolutely true, God knows. Now I am quite ashamed about this thing that I'm going to tell you, but I will. When I found out that she- that Catherine had spread those lies about you, it was as if a veil was lifted and I saw clearly for the first time what kind of person she is. I can't tell you how humiliated and mortified I felt when I realized how she had manipulated me and had perhaps lied about other things as well, but it did me a great deal of good. Of course I knew from that moment that I couldn't live the rest of my life with her, but I confess to the Lord, and now to you, that I was very reluctant to tell her that I wanted out of the engagement. You see, this would make me seem like a horrible person to everyone, let alone the fact that I and been wrong in my choice of her as my future wife. You do know how I hate to be proven wrong and avoid it at all costs, right?"

She smiled and he went on.

"I couldn't believe that I, who had always cautioned others to look for the will of God in every matter, had failed to find it in my own life. So, I am ashamed to say, I thought that after all maybe it would be wrong to break off the engagement; you know as in the eyes of God it is practically as binding as marriage. And I wouldn't have, but that I found out that in the eyes of God it would probably be a much bigger sin if I went ahead and married a girl I didn't actually love. You know when this thought hit me?"

She shook her head.

"One time, at youth group, I was sitting next to you, playing the guitar and I noticed how your fingers were shaking. So much so in fact, that you were hardy able to hit the correct notes. I was so worried about you, as I knew what you were going through, that I couldn't breathe for a moment. And then, when you got up, you were looking so pale and dejected and you stumbled and I thought you were going to faint again. I felt a sharp pain in my heart, just as I had felt that first Wednesday I had picked you up in my car. Right then, that was the moment when I knew I loved you. And right then I also knew that it would be a sin even greater than my pride to get married without love." He leaned back in his chair as if exhausted by the effort to say it all.

"Theo, I admire you so much for having the courage to say all these things to me."

"It's strange, little Lilly, but it hardly took any courage at all to say them to you."

She blushed.

"I think the Lord is very proud of you for everything. And I have always believed that our mistakes and our ability to recover from them are what make us so special and precious to God."

He looked at her for a full minute, then tenderly raised her fingers to his lips and kissed her hand, almost reverentially.

"I feel so free after telling you everything, little girl", he said. "Like today was the very first day of my life."

"But it is. It always is, you know."

He laughed aloud.

"You are a treasure; do you know that, Lilly Pendleton?"

"Well…"

"Well you are. And I am going to be telling you so every minute, if you will let me, until you get sick of it."

He grew serious again.

"About what you asked me before about Catherine, I just told her, but she didn't answer me. I was thinking that I had better wait until she had said something to me, you know, given her ring back, or even let me tell her parents, something that would mean she has accepted it. I thought until then it would not be very honorable of me to speak to you. But… I couldn't wait to tell you just this one thing; I felt that my heart would break if it didn't come out soon, if I didn't share it with you. You see it is so much bigger than my heart. Forgive me."

She just looked at him, wondering which one of the things he had told her was that "one thing".

"That I love you", he said.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

The next day passed in a daze for Lilly. Whatever she did, she couldn't get out of her head a pair of laughing sky-blue eyes and those three small words.

She really didn't know what to make of it. She had never thought of Theo in any romantic way, especially since he had got engaged. He was the man she admired most apart from her father and brothers, and she was disturbed by the fact that she couldn't return his feelings, or the words he had said to her.

She didn't have much time to worry about it however, because the very next day, while fetching the laundry, her mother collapsed in the hallway. Lilly was at school at the time and she went directly to the hospital, where her mother was still unconscious and connected to all sorts of machines by little tubes. She didn't ask any questions, she just held her father's hand and prayed silently. Soon enough the doctor took him in his office to talk to him about her mother's condition. When they came out, it seemed to her as if her father had aged twenty years. He hugged her close and told her:

"It's not good, Lilly-love. It's not good."

The use of her childhood nickname did nothing to comfort her.

When it became dark Mr. Pendleton urged Lilly to go home and get some sleep, as it was probable that she would very soon be called upon to watch by her mother's bed whether she stayed in the hospital over the next few days, or she was sent home. Lilly knew that that was the wise thing to do, but she was reluctant to leave. She kept feeling that she had to say a special goodnight to her mother and lingered on, until a nurse came and sat beside her and told her kindly not to be silly and to go home before the streets became dangerous.

So she went, but as soon as she got out of the hospital, all the emotion she had pent up while she was with her father just turned loose. She was still crying when she reached home. She just sat in the kitchen and couldn't stop.

Finally she fished her cell out of her handbag and wrote:

"How was it for you when your father died?"

A few seconds a strange answer came back:

"Where r u?"

"Home. Why?"

"w8"

She didn't even have the energy to try to work out what on earth this weird conversation had been all about. Anyway, she sat there, numb with pain and fear, until about ten minutes later the door rang.

When she opened the door to his anxious face, the thought fleeted through her mind that he must have driven like crazy to have arrived in so little time.

He didn't say anything, just stepped toward her and enveloped her in his arms. They stood there for some time, her head buried in his chest and her body racked by sobs.

Then he softly shut the door behind him and led her to the couch in the kitchen, gently stroking her hair and whispering in her ear:

"Easy now, my sweet girl, I've got you. Just let it all out, ok? You're safe here. Come on." He helped her sit down and as soon as she became a little quieter, he got up and began opening drawers and cupboards, apparently in search for something.

"What are you looking for?" she said, wiping her eyes.

"No, don't get up. I'm going to make you a hot drink, you are all but frozen. I said; don't even think of getting up. I'll find everything myself, if it takes me all night."

He saw a ghost of a smile appear on her face and felt such a surge of joy it almost scared him. He finally found the little box with the teabags in it and put one in a Christmas mug he found near the sink. There was Christmas stuff lying around in her house all year round. He put the water on to boil and turned to look at her. She seemed calmer. Strange, he thought. Tears always used to make me nervous. Especially around Catherine.

"Are you ok?"

"I will be, now you're here." This time she smiled all the way. His heart turned over inside him.

"How did you know? ..."

He shrugged. "I just knew."

Afterwards, while they were sitting opposite each other on the large kitchen table drinking from two mugs of scalding tea, she told him the particulars.

"It's not certain that she will- you know…." he said.

"What if she does?"

There was fear in her eyes, and it tore his heart in two. He took her hands in his, satisfied that she was warm now, and said:

"A very wise little girl once told me that it was all in God's hands."

"That doesn't make it less painful though."

He got up and kneeled next to her chair.

"I can only tell you this, sweetheart, I don't know why any of this should be happening to your family and to you, but I know that God's heart is breaking over your pain." He looked into her eyes. "Just like mine is right now."

She started crying again without a sound, the tears streaming down her cheeks. He put his arms around her and held her tight.

"Will you do something for me?" He asked after a while, taking the handkerchief from her hand and wiping her eyes tenderly. "Will you go upstairs and change your clothes so that you feel a bit more uncomfortable? I'll just try to make up a snack for you, ok?"

"But you can't cook, can you?"

"Well, no, but I'll try to make some toast or something, because something tells me you've had nothing to eat all day. Mind you, I won't promise you anything. Most probably you're gonna have to make the snack yourself and clean up the mess I'll make, too." When she didn't even pretend to smile, he realized how tired she must be. "Come on, please? It will make you feel better, I promise."

She got up obediently and slowly climbed the stairs without a word.

He was very proud of himself because he managed to make up quite a feast, considering his experience, until he thought that she might not even come down again, so tired had she looked before, that he half expected her to have fallen asleep halfway to her room. She did come down, however, but she was looking so pale, that he rushed to her side and took her arm to support her. He managed to get her to eat a little but she seemed hardly able to bring each bite to her lips. Suddenly she dropped her fork and stared at him, as if she had suddenly remembered his presence.

"Oh, Theo. Thank you so much."

He just shook his head at that.

"But you can go now. I'm going to be fine, because of you."

"Is Tom coming over?" He knew that her other brother, Jac, probably couldn't leave his wife alone, because she was on the seventh month of her pregnancy and the doctor had ordered her to stay in bed.

"Oh, no. He is out of town for a couple of days. But I'll be fine, really."

"I'm glad to hear it. But I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you serious? You can't stay here all night! What will people think-"

"I don't care!" He interrupted her angrily. "I don't care, do you understand? All I care about is you. Now finish your food. Please."

She felt it was outrageous what he was intending to do, but somehow she didn't have the energy to argue with him. It was easier to just obey him, as if she was a little girl of no more than five years old, but as soon as she took another bite, her head began to spin.

"What is it? What's the matter?" he asked with something akin to panic in his voice and she knew she must look awful, but she couldn't speak.

A moment later she felt a soft cushion under her head and a warm comforter covering her. She was so tired she didn't even get to thank him before sleep claimed her.

He stayed up all night watching her sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

At about 7 the next morning he went inside so as not to disturb Lilly and called his mum. He briefly explained to her the situation and then went and sat back down at the side of the couch, watching the sleeping form carefully. Her sleep had been very disturbed during the night, but how her breathing was even and she had a serene look on her face. He knelt down. First he thanked the Lord that she had sent him this message the night before, because otherwise he couldn't have known she needed help. He realized now that he hadn't answered her original question, about how he had coped with the tragedy in his own life, but he knew that wasn't what had mattered yesterday. After all he had been a bit more than a baby when his own father had died, so he didn't remember much about that time. All he knew about was the pain of loss, the huge absence from his life and he thanked God now for the fact that he could better understand what Lilly was going through because of this experience, although things were quite different for her, with her being gown up and all.

Then he prayed about her mother and about her father and about her own health and about his love for her. And finally he prayed about his own situation with Catherine. He felt so angry and cheated by her, that he knew he would be totally justified in however badly he treated her. He prayed for patience however and deep down inside he knew that he must pay now for his pride that had kept him form breaking out of his engagement sooner. It was hurting him, to be with Catherine, and to speak with her and her parents as if nothing had changed, while all the time burning inside with the need to shout from the rooftops his love for Lilly. Sometimes he wanted to shake Catherine, to force her to deal with it, but in her own way she showed him she needed more time. For the present she didn't even seem to be able to acknowledge the fact that he had even spoken to her about breaking up. It was hurting him the way they treated Lilly and it was hurting her even more. He asked God to forgive him for this as well as every other mistake he had made in this respect. He knew now the name of his bride. He knew it beyond doubt.

He opened his eyes and looked at Lilly, as she sighed in her sleep.

"I love you", he whispered.

It had occurred to him several times that she might in fact not, that she might never actually return his feelings. He himself didn't feel worthy of her love, especially after the mistakes he'd made. And he knew that it didn't look good for him to still be engaged to one girl while he had told another he loved her. But the fact was that he didn't feel exposed to Lilly. He didn't see judgment in her eyes, just understanding and even respect. He felt safe with her, as if he could bare open to her his entire soul, with its failings and ugliness and sin and she would just smile at him and get busy about how to fix the pain.

"I don't deserve her, Lord. I don't", he murmured. He took her small hand in his and held it carefully for a moment; it looked so fragile. Then he went to answer the door. As soon as he had helped his mother carry a few bags with food inside, he was on his way.

It hit him while he was driving. He didn't care if she ever said she loved him back. All he cared about was that she would be well and happy. He loved her.

Lilly awoke to the smell of bacon and fried eggs. Mmmm, this was one of her very favorite smells in the whole world. But, wait. Something was not right. She was on the couch, not in her bed and she was wearing her clothes. Then it all came rushing back to her. She jumped up throwing the blanket that had kept her warm aside, just as Liz Theobald's head appeared in the door.

"Good morning, honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Oh, Mrs. Liz, hi, have you been here long? I'm so sorry I've been asleep-"

"No, I've been here just long enough to cook you a good, sustaining breakfast. Good, I see you look rested. Now, listen what we're going to do. You go upstairs honey and take a shower or whatever you need, then you come down here and we'll have breakfast and after that I will drive us both to the hospital. Does that sound good, dear?"

Despite her albeit weak protests, a moment later Lilly was in the steaming hot shower. The tears came then, but they were also tears of relief. Last night she had felt so lost and alone, but then Theo had come over and now his mother was here, taking charge of everything in her sweet, motherly way. God was taking care of her.

After that, Lilly and her father took turns staying by her mother's side at the hospital at all times and Lilly spent the nights at her second brother, Tom's, house. His wife, Lee, was a very cheerful person and did wonders for Lilly's despondent moods and they both did their best, despite their own worry, to keep her calm and take care of her. The good thing was that the congregation rallied as soon as they heard the news of Mrs. Pendleton's health and they showed more affection and consideration to their pastor and his daughter than even before the rumors Catherine had spread. Lilly felt truly strong with all the love warming her heart, strong to face whatever would come. It was also a great help that her friend, Mary, came often to the hospital and kept her company. Lilly had completely forgotten that there was a time when Mary had avoided her in church. She felt that God had restored their friendship and more.

Theo came a few times by the hospital and she was glad to see him, but all of a sudden she felt shy around him. She never had before.

Charis Pendleton stayed in the hospital only for a week. After that the doctors said that she could continue to take treatment from home. Her family much preferred this arrangement, not least because Charis would be more comfortable at home, in familiar surroundings. Her husband and her children moved their schedules around so that amongst themselves they could nurse and take care of her and they walked around the house cheering each other up and trying to strengthen each other's faith in the Lord. They all tried to keep a happy face, despite all the weariness, but deep down inside, they all knew.

The shadow had descended.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

One day, Lilly was sitting in the kitchen with Tom, while their mother was napping. It was late afternoon. Her father was in his study, working on his sermon. Tom was texting Lee, who had had to work late but would afterward come to stay the night. Normally this would be cause for celebration, since the house had more or less seemed empty since both the boys had moved out, but today she felt nothing could lift her heavy mood.

The shadows were lengthening by the minute outside and as she looked out the window to the small garden that was her father's pride and joy, she realized that the season had changed. Winter had slowly given its place to early spring and already the temperature had risen a bit. She felt that the time was passing too quickly and too slowly all at the same time. It was too quickly for her mother, whose time kept running out, no matter how nicely the doctors put it. And yet it was so slowly, day after day waking up to the same tired feeling, the same pain in her heart. And nothing seemed to be about to change. At first she kept praying for a miracle, but as the days dragged on and every time she dropped her tired body on her bed, she started to avoid her quiet time with God. She had always believed that it was at times like these that a person could prove whether they truly loved and trusted God, not for the miracles He could work on their behalf, but for His own wondrous Self. Yet she felt so completely drained of energy and hope. She had even neglected to read her Bible for the past two days.

She tried not to let her father see her face at times like these, but Tom had often caught her and asked her to talk to him. This was actually the reason that they found themselves seated at the kitchen table at this time while there were a million jobs awaiting each. However, Lilly felt relieved that his cell had rung with a message from Lee, as she didn't have the energy or the desire to share her heart with anyone just then.

Then the bell rang.

Tom went to answer it, noting with concern that Lilly didn't even move from her sitting position by the window.

"Hey, Lilly-girl, look who's here!"

When she showed no signs of having heard him, he led their visitors inside and offered them seats in the living-room, saying that he would go to check on his sister. Theo, however, asked him if he wouldn't mind staying put and headed for the kitchen himself. Tom smiled and sat down to chat with the others.

As soon as Theo walked in and saw her, his breath was caught in his throat and tears stung his eyes. The words died in his lips and he stood there for a minute trying to compose himself. Then he pulled out a chair and quietly sat next to her.

They sat like that, side by side by the window, no one of them speaking, Theo looking anxiously into Lilly's face and Lilly staring blankly outside.

Slowly he took her hand in his.

"Where is He, Theo? Where is God? Why can't I feel him?"

"Oh, sweetheart, He is right here beside you, holding your hand, just like this."

She turned and looked at him for the first time, tears in her eyes. She started crying, then, soundlessly, sobs shaking her body. Theo hugged her close and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I… I'm so sorry", she whispered, amidst her sobs.

"Shh, my girl. You're safe here, with me. You can cry all you want, you know." She tried to smile at this and after a while she became quieter. But when she looked up at his face, she saw that he had been crying, too.

"Theo, you're…"

He got up to bring a box of tissues that lay on the table and smiled at her as they both wiped their eyes simultaneously.

"It hurts me too, my little girl. Whatever hurts you, hurts me, didn't you know?" Lilly didn't know what to say to this, so it was fortunate that her father came in right then to greet Theo and to inform them that her mother was awake. If he saw their red eyes, which he did, he didn't comment on it.

"Hi there, Theo. Charis is going to be thrilled to see you. And was that a guitar I saw sitting on a chair inside?"

"Of course, Mr. John. You didn't think our visit would be a regular boring visit like everyone else's did you? Oh no, we bring you music!" Theo said with aplomb. Lilly laughed and Theo felt that sudden rush of happiness again.

"I'll go see that she gets ready", Lilly said.

"Thanks for making my little girl laugh", Mr. Pendleton whispered to Theo as soon as she had left. "I had almost forgotten that that wonderful sound existed." Then they both turned aside, because there was a sudden moistness in both their eyes.

As soon as Lilly called from the top of the stairs, the small group of four young men ascended to the sickroom and after arranging themselves in a row began to sing a beautiful hymn. Lilly closed her eyes and drank in the beautiful music. Theo's sweet tenor and rich accompaniments by the guitar enhanced the whole and she could see in her mother's eyes how much she enjoyed it. When they finished the first hymn, they asked Mrs. Charis for her favourites, but they stopped after five hymns, because Theo was afraid they might tire her out. She thanked them with her heart and they turned to go. But as Theo brushed by Lilly, he whispered in her ear:

"Well, that wasn't exactly the way I had planned it. What I wanted was to stand beneath a certain window in this house and sing. Oh, well, maybe the next time…" He smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

Tom went down to show them out, and Lilly sat on her mother's bed. Her mother turned to her father, however, and there was a twinkle in her eyes.

"I am so glad that God takes such good care of my little Lilly."

Her father smiled back.

"Yes. It is no wonder however that she should deserve the best, is it?"

"Oh, no. But it is such a relief to know that there will be someone there for her after…"

"Come on, Charis; don't be so intent on leaving us. It will hurt my feelings."

Her father smiled, but Lilly could see the pain shining in his eyes.

She wondered what they had been talking about. A thought came to her however which pushed all other thoughts aside.

"Daddy, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Christy. How come he and Theo both were here? I mean, wouldn't they have to speak to each other in order to be able to sing together?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you, Lilly-girl? Theo prayed with me one day about apologizing to Christy and I lost no time in setting the record straight as to what had happened between him and that girl. You should have seen him; he started running like a madman and I hadn't told him even the half of it." Her father chuckled slightly at the memory. "I have no doubt Christy forgave him as soon as he got there." Then he added softly: "I am so proud of you, Lilly-love."

Lilly was once again surprised. Her father knew.

That night, as she lay in bed, laying her heart out to God and receiving the balm and peace of His comfort and closeness, Lilly made a wonderful discovery.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Now all that remained was figure out a way to tell him.

She was aware of the fact that Theo had put absolutely no pressure on her for an answer; in fact he hardly seemed to expect one. This was one more thing among many that made him noble and worthy in her eyes.

Anyway, the result was that she didn't feel obliged to give him any encouragement, but rather felt that she wanted to let him know of the state of her heart, so that she could give him this small reward for all the love he had showered her with.

A few days later, all the young people of the parish were invited to Mrs. Theobald's house and Tom along with Mr. Pendleton insisted that Lilly should go. Lilly herself felt rather guilty about going out to have a good time, while the others took upon them her share of the work, but as soon as she saw how glad her mother was at the prospect of Lilly's finally having some fun, she got dressed with a light heart.

She was doubly glad that she had decided to go, when, later that evening, she found herself seated at the small old-fashioned piano in the Theobald's living room. For Theo was sitting right beside her, strumming vigorously on his guitar and turning every two seconds to smile at her. They sang until their throats became sore, whereupon they stopped and placed the chairs in a circle in order to begin playing games. Theo leaned in her direction to tidy up the music sheets they had been playing from and as he did so, she smelled his perfume. Its masculine smell, mixed with his own boyish one, suddenly touched her deeply and following an impulse, she whispered:

"It occurred to me that I never told you…"

He looked up, all attention, and as he did, he looked right into her eyes, his face a mere inch from hers.

"…I love you, too, you know."

She only caught a glimpse of his surprised expression and then quickly drew away, standing up from the piano stool and taking a seat with the others, who were trying to decide on what game to play first.

Theo sat there, in the same position she had left him, transfixed, forgetting all about the music sheets. It took Mary shouting to him twice for him to finally get up and walk as one in a dream to where everyone else was sitting. He looked at her then, his eyes shining, his whole heart in them. For the rest of the evening, he lost in each and every game they played and didn't answer when anyone spoke to him, seeming not even to be able to listen. But his eyes never once left her face.

Finally the time came for everybody to leave. But as Lilly stood up along with her friend Debbie, who would drop her off at home, Theo rushed to her side and took her hand in his, gently, so no one could see.

"Stay", he whispered in her ear.

After everyone had left, Theo grabbed his jacket and ran outside, dragging a laughing Lilly by the hand. As soon as they were in the street, he dropped her hand and stood there looking into her eyes, his face a study of joy. The just stood there for a couple of minutes, looking at each other, drinking in each other's happiness and no words were needed. Finally he spoke, much as he hated breaking the delicious silence.

"Is it late, my Lilly? Should I take you home?"

"Oh yes, Theo, I'm afraid I must go, although I could stay like this forever…"

"I could too."

Later, when he stopped the car half a block from her house, he turned to her seriously.

"I love you so much, my Lilly." Here he stopped for a moment, considering his next words. "That's why it breaks my heart, but we must respect God in this as in everything, for it is He that has given us this great gift. You do think so, don't you my Lilly?"

She smiled at his so often use of her name. He seemed to savor its sound even more every time he said it, proudly, possessively.

"I know, Theo. I want you to know that I don't want to rush things either and that I understand I can't see you outside church after today, till the other matter is resolved. I don't say it will be easy, but I think it will be worth the wait."

"Oh my girl, you are so sweet not to point out that this situation is all of my creating and it is all my fault-"

"No", she interrupted him forcefully. "Please don't say that. Don't think it. I can't bear it."

He brought her hand to his lips and gave her a look of so eloquent admiration and gratitude that no words were needed. Then he went to open the car-door for her and walk her to her door. When the time came for her to go in, he seemed to have some difficulty letting go of her hand. But she smiled at him and he took heart.

As it happened, Mrs. Pendleton's condition seemed to have worsened by the next morning, so Lilly didn't see him again for the next two weeks. They neither spoke on the phone nor texted each other, in an effort to honor God's way of waiting and to give Catherine the time to get to grips with the reality (which, however, she seemed determined to ignore), so these two weeks quite difficult for both of them. But they separately grew in their love each for the other and in learning to trust God's plan for both their lives.

Lilly's mother was now in a semi-conscious state all day long, with rare moments of clarity in between the long days. Lilly would readily have given both her jobs up to stay at her mother's bedside, but the sad truth was that they had already gotten into debt due to the cancer treatment and even now could scarcely afford to pay the frequent doctor's visits.

That was what she was thinking one evening as she was replacing a pile of books at their right places in the small bookstore, under Mrs. Dorothy's watchful eye. Outside a strong spring rain was drumming on the windows and Lilly tired to think of that first Wednesday Theo had happened upon her in the street.

Suddenly her eye caught a figure standing out in the rain, just opposite the store's window, appearing to be staring in. She looked more closely and found out that it was really he; she had not merely imagined him. Glancing around her she confirmed that there were no customers inside and quickly she asked Mrs. Dorothy's permission to pop outside for a moment. As she ran to him, she saw that his head was bent and he didn't even see her coming towards him.

She touched his arm and he looked up. He was wearing his glasses, something he rarely ever did when going outside, and his shoulders were shaking.

He was crying.

"She won't let me go", he whispered in lieu of explanation. "She won't let me go."


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

He put his arm around her and drew her close, under his umbrella.

"You will catch cold, my Lilly."

"What do you mean she won't let you go, Theo? You didn't ask her, you just told her. So what's the point of letting you go or not?"

"Just that. She… she said she wouldn't consider our engagement to be at an end and her parents, her mother that is…." Here he stopped, unable to continue. He looked at her, and the pain in his eyes made her heart stop.

"Don't be sad", she said gently. She wanted to relieve his pain, but couldn't think of anything else to say.

"My Lilly, I'm so sorry for everything. I just didn't know what to do… I got out of her house and couldn't begin to understand what they had said to me. I kept driving aimlessly and… before I knew it I had come to you. I understand if you want nothing to do with me after this."

She grabbed his arm and said firmly,

"Don't ever say that to me, Theo! Ever, do you hear me?"

He nodded blindly, but she knew she had gotten through to him.

"Can you wait for me at the coffeehouse around the corner? I'm afraid I have a full half-hour before I can leave the store."

Three quarters of the hour later, they sat silently opposite each other, two steaming cups in front of them, just as they had sat all that time ago, when he had first told her he loved her. Then he started to speak.

"I missed you so much these last weeks, my Lilly. And all the more so because I knew you were in trouble. And not to be able to be near you, to comfort you, to hold you… it killed me. So I prayed and prayed and finally I decided to go and speak again to Catherine. As you know, I haven't been in her house or even met her outside of church since I discovered I love you…" He stopped and smiled at her, gently stroking her hand. "That's why I though it would carry more importance, you know, if I went there and put the matter once again before her, she would have no choice but to deal with it."

Lilly nodded eagerly and he continued.

"Well, on the way I was rehearsing what I would say, but at it happened I had no chance to say it. You see, when I walked in the door I saw that they were all there, her father, her mother and she. They didn't say a word to me, but sat down and looked at me as if expecting me to explain myself or apologize; I don't know exactly what they had in mind. Anyway, surprised as I was not to find Catherine alone, I still would have spoken, because a little girl has taught me that humility is the greatest power and I had no problem admitting my mistakes and begging those people's pardon again, if that would release me."

She squeezed his hand as another meaningful smile shed its sudden light across his face.

"However, I didn't have a chance to say either of these things. As soon as I opened my mouth, Mr. Culver started what I suppose to have been a rehearsed little lecture about my dishonorable behaviour, my betrayal and his daughter's broken heart and poor health. Needless to say, his wife took over before long, and then every accusation in the book was mentioned. I will not upset you, my Lilly, by relating everything to you. I will only tell you first, that I had been increasingly certain, even before I broke the engagement that Catherine does not really love me and I really think what she suffers now from is not a broken heart, but a shattered pride. Second, their words did not touch me, for even as I know I have been terribly wrong, I also know that He has forgiven me and that the last thing I want to do is to continue doing the wrong from which He so lovingly sent you to deliver me. Whether they eventually manage to forgive me or not, is a matter concerning their souls and eternity."

For a moment they were both silent, pondering over his words. Lilly wanted to hear what he had said at the end of Mrs. Dianne's vehement speech, but she saw that he was struggling with something. He looked up into her eyes and she discovered upon his face a look of intense pain. His eyes were brimming with tears. He held her hand so tightly it almost hurt her, but it was comforting, too.

"My Lilly-" he said and then he stopped. He was crying again. She got up form her seat and sat next to him.

"Theo, please, don't…. I can't bear to see you hurt so much. God will make a way for us, in spite of what people say. Look at me, please."

He looked at her, then, and the pain in his eyes made her own water. She hugged him close and laid her head on his shoulder. After a while he started speaking again, with white, trembling lips, her presence so close to him giving him the much-needed strength to say what was coming.

"I wish with all my strength that I could spare you from this pain, but I have to tell you everything, my Lilly, for it seems my heart and yours are one now and God will not give me rest until I have shared everything with you. So you see, as soon as Mrs. Dianne seemed to pause for breath I grasped at the opportunity to speak. I told them in very clear terms my intentions, carefully leaving your dear name out of it, of course, and that I did what I thought would be considerate for Catherine by deferring to announce our engagement being at an end, but after so long a time I would be obliged to make the fact known. I tried to tell them, my Lilly, that it wouldn't do either of us much good to continue in a lie so as to save appearances and I also tried to make them see that it would be to Catherine's benefit to break things up with me, as I was convinced this was not God's will for our lives and He surely has something much better in store for her. Anyway, my words fell on deaf ears I think, because…"

"Yes?" she prodded gently.

"I wish I had been so wise and discerning as you were, all these months ago when I pledged myself to be a member of this family. And I also wish I hadn't involved you in all of this, but I guess no one could have missed the way I look at you, especially if they were looking. You see, they know." He turned to her awkwardly, with a helpless expression, which made her want to hold him even closer. "And what's more, they… they threatened you, my Lilly. Well, not you per se, but your-"

"My father." She finished his phrase for him, as she had already guessed where this was going.

"Oh my sweet girl, I'm so sorry. How you must hate me…"

She just tightened her hold on him, trying to defy his words, but no words came to her mouth, for she was shocked as much as she was saddened.

"But… but they couldn't mean it, could they? I mean, they wouldn't try to harm this church after all these years we've been brothers and sisters in Christ…" she managed to say after a while.

Theo didn't say anything, but they both knew the answer deep inside.

They sat there, holding each other, each of them thinking of the slanderous reports this family could spread about the pastor of their little parish church. Any member's of the church reports of such nature would cost Mr. Pendleton his living, but anything said to the board of Deacons by the Culvers would probably ban him form any church. For some reason the Culver's word carried far more weight than any other family's in that church.

That reason was that the Bishop himself was a Culver.

Lilly and Theo both knew this was the actual thinly-veiled threat, surprised as they both were at the Culver's unchristian behaviour.

That's why they both fell silent.

Fear started creeping in Lilly's heart, in spite of herself, and Theo seemed to sense that immediately. He took her hands in his and said firmly:

"My Lilly, you know I would never let that happen. I would never let your family or yourself be in any danger. You do believe me don't you? I blame myself for all of this, because if I hadn't made this mistake in the first place… How you must hate me!"

"You have blamed everything on yourself so many times now, that I have difficulty believing it myself, but I do love you, Theo. Even more now than when I first told you." She smiled at him and his heart melted. "Please don't apologize to me again, or send me away, because it makes me feel insulted."

He fell on his knees in front of her then, right there in the middle of the coffeehouse.

"I don't deserve you, my Lilly."

She gently wiped the tears that were streaming down his cheeks and he turned his face to kiss her fingers.

"I wish I could court you and date you and treat you like a princess, I wish I didn't have to hide you like we were doing something wrong and I wish oh how I wish….." He paused for a moment but then we went on, "however, I want you to know that I will try to do nothing that may endanger your father's position in our parish. I will do whatever they tell me from now on, ok? But the hardest part will be not to be able to be with my flower every minute. Oh how I will suffer… But you do understand, don't you?" He looked at her anxiously.

She pulled at his hand and he got up and sat next to her again. She was looking rather thoughtful and when he asked her what she was thinking, she said slowly as if she was forming her thoughts as she went:

"Theo, I don't know. Something seems wrong to me. You shouldn't have to pretend, you know? And how can they be satisfied with this pretense? Is not the most important thing for each of us to be true before the Lord?"

"I know, my Lilly, I have been thinking those very same things myself, and I'm afraid I can't find an answer to all these questions. But a little flower showed me that there is no shame in not having all the answers. The shame is in being too proud to admit it, as I used to be, but God is changing me, I hope, with the help of a precious little girl of His." He smiled at her gently, and then said, "Sometimes I think I can't bear it. I feel like I want to tell the rest of the world to get lost and then go and live in a little cozy corner and look at you all day. But then I think that I'd rather wait my way through all these questions and troubles along with you than be comfortable and easy without you. What about you, my flower, do you think you can wait with me, even though I am so little worthy of such an honor?"

"Just promise me I will never have to go through anything alone."

"Never, my Lilly. Never again."

He held her tight and dropped a light kiss on her hair.

They stayed like that for hours, paying no attention to the time, thinking that the entire world around them was of little or no importance whatsoever, while they were on their own little cloud of happiness.

Little did they know that this cloud would soon be shattered (at least for the one of them) much sooner than they could ever have expected.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Charis Pendleton died on a Sunday, a couple of hours after her husband had returned form the morning service. It seemed as if she had waited for him to say goodbye and then, while he was holding her hand, she quietly slipped from the unconscious state in which she had fallen the day before, to her heavenly home, into the everlasting arms that awaited her.

The funeral took place in Tuesday.

Theo was very distressed for Lilly, but all he could do was prompt Mary to spend as much time as possible in the Pendleton's home, quietly standing by her, while Lilly hardly seemed to notice anything of what was going on around her. He himself didn't feel he had any right to be there, and anyway the less people there were in the mourning house, the better. He knew however that Mrs. Charis death was sudden and rather unexpected, even by the doctor, and Lilly was ill-prepared for it.

In fact, she was devastated. People who came to offer their condolences were surprised by her father's calm manner and quiet grief, but they were even more so by Lilly's blank stare. Her father along with her brothers were very worried about her but there seemed to be nothing they could do to get her out of her trance. Tom spent hours talking to her, even crying out his own sorrow, hoping that might help her to let herself weep, but she hadn't even shed a tear.

On the morning of the funeral, the Reverend tried to push her to eat something, because she had neither eaten nor slept since Sunday morning, and her pale looks worried him that she wouldn't be able to go through it all. She didn't appear to even be able to hear him however and he gave up and went upstairs to prepare himself for the final goodbye to his wife. Thankfully he wouldn't have to do the whole service himself, so the custom ordered, but he still wanted to say a few words. As he looked through his notes, he prayed for strength.

Lilly went to her room and got dressed mechanically. She was so sorry to see the worried faces all around her and not to be able to reassure them, but she found that she couldn't speak, even if she wanted to. Besides, her brain seemed to have stopped altogether. She couldn't think, she couldn't react to other people's words, she seemed only to be able to breathe in and out, and that with a great deal of effort, too.

The church seemed to her like a sea of strange faces, although a lot of people came to talk to her and offer comfort. She didn't recognize anyone; she just nodded along with them. The only flicker of recognition came into her eyes when Theo approached her. He took her hand in his and held it silently, his eyes only expressing the pain in his heart, for the truth was he was shocked at her altered appearance in so few days. He chose a seat in the front where he could keep his eye on her, which he did, with growing concern all through the service.

When that was over, Lilly got up, her hand through her brother Tom's elbow, her other brother Jac gently supporting her, and joined the slow procession to the green graveyard.

The grass was thick beneath their black shoes and smelling rich and fresh. Flowers were adding pastel touches of color here and there and the trees were covered with green leaves and little blossoms, for it was in the middle of the most wonderful spring that Lilly's mother had left this world. Lilly of course was blind to the beauty around her as she was to everything else. As they were nearing the freshly-dug grave, her brothers went forward, but she hesitated, holding back. She didn't want to do this; she didn't want to have this picture in her head for the rest of her life.

So it happened that she was left momentarily alone and so it was that someone took the opportunity to approach her and whisper a few words in her ear. No more were needed to convey the message to her already hurting heart. And then the messenger left as swiftly as she had come, the people around none the wiser about what had transpired.

But for Lilly something changed right then. It was as if someone had shaken her violently and forced her to wake from her sweet oblivion. All the pain came rushing to her, cutting her breath short.

She started running then, tears blinding her, until she felt herself colliding with something big and hard, and she fell.

In a flash, Theo had seen her running away from the throng of people, who had now softly began to sing a hymn, and had started running after her. When he saw her collapse by the side of a huge oak tree, his heart went to his mouth. His strong legs quickly swallowed the rest of the distance till he reached her and lifted her in his arms. Her eyes were closed and he feared for a moment that she had fainted, but then he saw the tears streaming from her eyes.

He carried her to a nearby bench, which was thankfully hidden by a hedge from the view of the congregation, standing a few yards away. He sat down and didn't let her go, but held her in his arms firmly, as if she were a child. He tried to support her head with his elbow, because she seemed too weak to hold it up all by herself. Then he looked her over, trying to see if she had injured herself by falling.

"Are you hurt, my darling?" he whispered in her ear, while gently brushing her wet hair away from her face. "Tell me my Lilly, does it hurt anywhere?"

She put her hand against her heart.

Theo thought that his heart might actually break. He pulled her close.

"I know, my flower, I know. I'm here now. Lean on me."

She did lean on him, as she had done so many times before, but suddenly she seemed to think of something and she jumped up, away form him. He quickly put out a hand to steady her, for she was swaying even as she stood up.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

She just shook her head and began to walk unsteadily away.

Theo jumped to his feet and rushed to her side. He tried to take her hand but with a swift movement, despite her weakness, Lilly managed to avoid him. He instantly guessed what the matter must be. He took her firmly by the shoulders, looked into her eyes and said tenderly:

"Lilly, come back to me. You're not well. Please come back. Let me take care of you."

"No." She tried to get away.

"What did they say to you, my Lilly? Look at me. What did they say?"

"How did you know?"

"Tell me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

He led her back to the wooden bench and took her hands in his.

"Tell me", he said again.

"She- she said… she said it is God's punishing us."

Theo fought to contain his anger. Now was not the time for an outburst and he prayed silently for strength.

"Catherine", he said. It wasn't a question.

Lilly manage to nod. It was all she could do, she was crying too hard.

Theo lifted her in his arms and placed her on his lap, her head resting on his chest, her shaking body covered by his strong arms.

"Let it all out, my Lilly. It will do you good. You're safe with me. Cry all you want", he kept whispering against her hair. He waited until her sobs subsided a little, and then he spoke to her as calmly as he could, in his deep clear voice that soothed and steadied her.

"You know, my Lilly, that God would never punish us. He loves us enough to point out the wrong of our ways, but His goal is repentance, not punishment. But you, my darling flower, have done nothing wrong. If indeed God wished to punish somebody, that would be me. For I have been wrong and proud and I have hurt you. But instead He has blessed me so much. He has given me this precious child of His to take care of. Don't you see? That's what He has done for your mother too, taking her away from all the pain of the sickness and the hurt of such terrible people", he clenched his teeth but continued in a moment, "to be with Him, in a place of infinite love and joy. I know her absence hurts you, my Lilly, but I am beyond certain that God never intends for His children to suffer, least of all you. And as for the person who said these awful things to you, we both know that they stem from hate and have absolutely no claim on you." He wiped the last of her tears with his fingers, for she was calm now, fully aware of the pain in her heart, but fully aware also of the human and the divine hands that were upholding her.

"You are right in everything Theo, but it still hurts, the-" she stopped abruptly, putting her hand to her mouth in horror.

"What? What is it?" he asked in alarm.

"The… the burial! I've missed it!"

"It's all right, my Lilly. Your father will understand."

"Yes, but I didn't see…"

"I thank God for that. As we were walking down here, I was thinking, Lord, I wish there was some way I could take my flower away from this, I don't want her to be haunted for the rest of her life by this scene. And He granted my wish." He added proudly. "Listen, I will visit this place with you as often as you need, I promise. But I think we should consider it a blessing that you missed the burial. Now you can remember your mother as she was alive and as she will be on the day you shall meet her again in heaven. You needn't have watched a hole being filled with dirt for that, did you?"

She lifted her face to his and smiled, a shy, watery smile, which however at that minute meant the world to him. He crushed her to his heart with so much force that he quickly let her go and asked her if he had hurt her, but something in her face as she shook her head told him he had done just the opposite.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

"So, you see, sir, I feel that my hands are tied. And, sorry as I am for all the trouble I am causing your family, I am afraid I can't do anything to help it." Theo paused, not knowing what to say next. He was in Reverend Pendleton's study and he had just finished telling him the whole story. He told him everything, about his hasty engagement, his efforts to come to an understanding with Catherine and about the threats. And most of all, about his love for Lilly.

He had been coming to their house every day since the funeral, trying to lift Lilly out of her depression. When she had asked him if he didn't care about what people would say if anyone found out, he didn't even have to answer her. All that mattered to him was Lilly.

After a week, however, he felt impatient. He wanted to be free. He felt as of he could pay any price just to be able to walk around with Lilly on his arm, to be able to protect her and support her in everything.

So he decided to lay the entire matter before the Reverend and ask him his advice. What he hadn't counted on was the horrible feeling of shame and guilt that overcame him as he was explaining to the Reverend that his position in the church was threatened.

However, as he looked up, he discovered that Mr. John was smiling. He gently put his arm on Theo's shoulder.

"Listen to me, my son. Now, there is no reason for you to feel guilty or to apologize. In fact, I want to thank you for taking care of my little girl these last few days. I have been so worried about her and I know it for a fact that you are the best medicine any doctor could have prescribed for her." Theo made as if to say something, but the man held up his hand to stop him and continued. "As for that other matter, don't let these petty threats worry you. Oh, don't misunderstand me, I don't underestimate the power those people have. Nor do I underestimate the force of their vindictiveness and resentfulness of your happiness. But I also do not make the mistake of underestimating the power of our God. You see, what will happen with our lives, it is all up to Him and not any human, no matter how powerful."

"You are right, Mr. John. I know it in my heart. But I can't help wishing I had done things differently."

"Well, we all wish that at some point in our lives. But then again, how else would we grow if not through our mistakes?"

They fell silent for a while, pondering over the Reverend's last words. Then he spoke again.

"This is not the way God works, Theo. By fear and apprehension. It was very considerate of you to give the girl time and very honorable, too. You know, God certainly didn't want you to give her an ultimatum, but He also doesn't want you to compromise your conscience by appearing to go along with this engagement which is, after all, a lie. What He wants you to do is get on with His plans for your life and leave the rest to Him."

"Are you saying that I should just break off the engagement, no matter what they say?"

"I am saying that we should rather obey God than people, however mean and threatening they may become. And trusting Him to take care of you in the process. Remember the beginning words of Psalm 27?"

"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?" They recited in unison. Theo smiled. He hadn't felt so peaceful in weeks.

"But… I thought that I should, you know, face the consequences of my mistake…"

"And so you should. But lying isn't God's way of dealing with things is it? Even if someone else forces us to lie, it is never the solution."

"Thank you so much, Reverend, you can't imagine the load of weight that has been lifted from me. Still… I mean… You really don't worry at all about what they might do?"

"Theo, my boy, if I had reached the spiritual level where I wouldn't worry about anything, I do believe the good Lord would see fit to take me home… like He did my darling Charis…" The Reverend wiped his eyes and then smiled a watery smile. Theo discreetly looked away, but Mr. John touched his knee. "But we do trust that He will take care of us, no matter what, don't we? After all, He gave us His Son."

Theo nodded his head, his own eyes filling with tears. It never failed to touch him deeply, the thought of the divine sacrifice, given freely for his own sake.

In a minute, the front door opened and his heart fluttered, for he knew it must be Lilly. Presently, she walked into the room. How his heart ached at the sight of her drooping gaze and her dejected posture. But as soon as her eyes found him, she underwent an amazing transformation. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks acquired a rose color and her lips turned into a lovely smile.

He couldn't help himself any longer. He got up and went to her, barely containing his joy. Her father smiled, observing them.

"You will stay and have lunch with us, won't you Theo?"

He just nodded, never taking his eyes off Lilly. The Reverend chuckled to himself and silently left the room, the young couple completely oblivious to his presence or his absence. Theo gently took Lilly's hand, his own trembling slightly.

"Come on", he said, "I'll help you."

He took her handbag and led her to the bathroom, where, after gently rolling her sleeves up her arms, proceeded to wash her hands and dry them with the towel. Then, still holding them in his, he drew her close and looked into her eyes. She was surprised to see tears filling the pools of his eyes.

"Theo, is something wrong?"

"No, my Lilly. No. Exactly the opposite." He tenderly stroked her fingers. "Oh how I love you, my flower. And your father just showed me how wrong I have been to keep up this charade. I am free now, my darling. I am free! Can you believe it? Will you teach me how to trust our Lord, my flower? Will you teach me to be like you?"

Lilly smiled, but as she started to ask him what this was all about, he bent his head and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I would love nothing better to tell you right now, right here, but I want this to be perfect for my perfect flower, so I'll wait. Come on, I'll tell you everything your father said to me while we fix lunch."

Afterwards, neither of them remembered having prepared the food, or even eating it, for that matter. They both felt their hearts so light that it was as if they could fly. No, indeed, as if they _were_ flying.

As soon as they had finished the dishes (which they also couldn't remember having done afterwards), Theo took her to the back of the house, in the small fragrant patch of a garden.

He looked into her eyes long and tenderly and his gaze made her heart stop.

Then, he looked around him, as if looking for something. He bent down and picked a lily from the ground. He didn't give it to her, though, he just held it in his hands.

He got down on one knee before her and looked up to her surprised face.

"Will you marry me, my Lilly?"

She tried to say "yes", but she found that tears of happiness were choking her voice, so she tried to nod with all her might.

He leapt to his feet.

His smiling lips met hers and mingled with her tears.

After they had reluctantly parted, he took the daisy he had picked out of his pocket. He carefully twisted the tender stem until he secured it in an almost perfect circle.

"Give me your hand", he told her then. She did, wondering what he was going to do.

What he did was slip it on the fourth finger of her right hand. She looked at her finger surprised and he smiled shyly. Looking at his shoes, his hands suddenly in his pockets, he half-whispered:

"Look, if you think that this is the most pathetic excuse for an engagement ring, I won't blame you. It's just that I found out I could propose to you only this morning and I didn't want to wait one single moment more. I have wanted to ask you since that day you told me you loved me and I… it was so hard not to be able to tell you… But you know, you had better throw it out and-"

"Theo". She looked at him until he met her eyes. "I love it. It is the most romantic thing. I do love it. And I love you."

He smiled then, looking like a little boy at Christmas. He bent his head and kissed her again.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Mary had barely sat in her chair for three minutes together. She kept bouncing up and down and rushing to hug her friend every two minutes. It was the day after the proposal and the two families had dined together. Now the two girls were sitting in Lilly's room, going over everything that had happened ever since that first Wednesday.

"Come on, Mary; stop looking at me like you've never seen me before! You make me feel uncomfortable."

"Oh, Lilly, I have been dreaming of this since we were both about six years old! I so wanted you to become my real sister, you know. But then, you always seemed to think my brother was some kind of an ogre. I'm telling you, I had practically started to despair."

Their laughter suddenly stopped, as an image of Catherine's face popped up in both their heads. They fell silent for a while, but then Mary got up and hugged Lilly once more, which set them off in giggles again.

The next Sunday, after the service, the Reverend Pendleton, with a few words he had carefully chosen the night before, quietly announced the dissolution of Theo and Catherine's engagement.

The congregation was absolutely still for a couple of minutes, but soon the happy buzz of greetings and conversation comfortably enveloped them all. Theo kept looking anxiously at Lilly, wishing with all his might that he could be near her and squeeze her hand tightly and reassuringly. He knew he needed it himself as much as she did. He watched her, barely paying attention to anyone who came near him to offer comfort and their opinion, feeling like a lion, ready to pounce upon anyone who would try to hurt his Lilly.

However, it was him that Mrs. Culver approached and greeted casually, if a bit icy. After that, she proceeded to make her way through the congregation, Catherine joining her as soon as she had walked away from Theo. They were completely amiable and appeared unruffled by "the unfortunate turn of events", as a surprised Theo heard Dianne call it when a lady tried to offer her condolences. It was strange, but Theo didn't feel at all relieved; indeed he felt a sense of dread. "Dear Lord, please help me trust You and not be afraid", he prayed silently. "Please help me to bear the consequences of my foolish mistakes and not to let my Lilly down. Please take care of the Pendletons. You alone can." After a moment, he added: "And please help me to forgive this family who are hurting innocent people like that."

He kept this prayer in his mind constantly over the next days, for he seemed to need it more and more with each passing minute.

The Reverend Pendleton received a call, a few mornings later. The Bishop said he much preferred writing letters instead of phone calls, but the matter was too urgent.

They arranged a meeting within the week.

Lilly didn't want to pressure her father with questions, but she did notice that he spent most of his time in his study with the door shut, praying, she knew. He also didn't seem to be sleeping much at night, but he nevertheless kept on being his usual gentle and smiling self. His parishioners came and went with their problems, as always, but most of them seemed to sense there was something troubling their pastor, so they went their way praying about him and loving him all the more, because he seemed for once to be in need of them, instead of the opposite.

The meeting happened and the Reverend came home after a day's absence and went directly to his room and shut himself in.

Lilly was waiting for him anxiously and when he went to his room after just hugging her and kissing her on the forehead, she suddenly felt she couldn't bear it any more. She went to her room and called Theo. When he answered the phone, however, she didn't know what to say to him. So she just stayed mute, while he was asking her anxiously what was wrong. Lilly was so sorry that she couldn't explain anything to him, but it was as if she simply couldn't speak. But he understood.

"It's going to be ok, my Lilly", he whispered. "The Lord will take care of him, I promise. I know this because of the way He has treated me in spite of all my mistakes. I would deserve to lose you, to have you not want even to speak to me again. And instead I have your love. So you see, if God has showered such love on selfish, proud, undeserving me, He will certainly keep your father safe, who has been after all unjustly accused. We just have to trust Him, my love. I know it's hard, my flower, but really that would be the wisest thing that we can do."

The letter arrived on the 1st of June. John Pendleton knew what it would say but still he opened it, in case there was a miracle afoot. It turned out there wasn't. Not yet, anyway. He quickly read it through and then sighed and looked towards heaven. Then he went inside to tell Lilly.

"Daddy! You're not serious! I thought you were finished with moving around parishes."

"This is quite different I'm afraid, little girl. It is finally time to tell you everything. You see, I met with the Bishop, who had had some information about me… well, never mind. Anyway, I explained to him the situation as it happened exactly, although he already seemed to have an idea of the facts, which was, may I say, quite different from the truth. He did tell me he couldn't discredit everything that had been told him by his brother's wife, even if he didn't call me an outright liar. He finally said that he would look into this matter more carefully, but until the truth became more clear to him, I should be removed from this parish."

"But… how can they send you away? You have given everything to this parish, you are their life!"

"Listen, Lilly-girl. I prayed a lot about this and I knew, no matter how underhand other people may be, _I_ should be completely honest." He took her hands in his and looked intently into her eyes. "I had to tell them about your engagement to Theo."

"What?" Lilly went pale. "Daddy! We haven't even announced it yet! Why did you… Don't you see? It seems now as if the whole thing happened so that I- we could steal Theo away from Catherine Culver. So that _you_ made him break off his engagement to secure him for your daughter… Aaargh!" Lilly lay back on her bed, sobbing with anger and frustration.

Her father gently stroked her hair.

"I know, my dear girl, I know. But don't you understand? Telling the truth, the whole truth, was what I had to do. The rest is in God's hands. He will make the truth shine like the sun. I know it, Lilly-love. And so do you."

"Well, if He is going to make the truth shine, I hope He makes it soon. When do we have to move?"

"I have to be on that pulpit on the first Sunday of August."


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

They moved on the 20th of July. The parish was a two-hour plane-ride away, so they sent the furniture ahead by truck and they packed only a few suitcases to take with them.

The preparations to leave her childhood home and all of her friends left Lilly drained and depressed. Theo was beside himself with worry about her since when he first heard the news. He had spent long hours in prayer, battling with the Lord, asking for direction and begging for grace and strength.

He was with her every possible moment, helping her and the Reverend in every way he could, even flying with them on one occasion to see the new parsonage.

The congregation was in despair over losing their beloved pastor. And the brief visit of his replacement, a quiet young man, freshly ordained and full of zest, served to reassure them, but by no means did it cheer them up. What was strange was that the Culvers did not appear happier with this arrangement. They did not pretend to share the general sadness of course, but neither did they seem to enjoy their victory. In fact, they missed a couple of services every now and then. Lilly wondered about that, but still she felt so angry with them, that every time they didn't show up, she was thankful for a little peace and quiet.

The first night in her new home, Lilly couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and she shed a few tears. At 5.00 her cell rang. It was a text from Theo, "I love you, my angel. Remember that."

She called him. He picked up on the first ring.

"Are you awake?" she asked, surprised.

"Of course I'm awake. How can I sleep when you're not sleeping?"

"How did you know I couldn't sleep?"

"I just knew. Hey, how are you? I miss you."

"I don't know… I'm angry, I think."

"Oh, honey, I know. I'm angry, too. And with myself mostly."

"No, no… I'm afraid I'm angry with my dad. I know, it's terrible. I can't believe I just told you that." She pulled her pillow over her head.

"My Lilly, it's not terrible. It's understandable. And just so you know, from now on we tell each other everything. Nothing is too much or too little, do you understand? Now take that pillow off your face before you suffocate."

She laughed. Theo felt his heart sprout wings.

"You know everything! Or do you have little cameras hidden everywhere?"

"I have given you my heart. How can you doubt that I should know everything that goes on in yours?"

"How can you do this every time?"

"Do what?"

"No matter how bad I feel, with just a few words you manage to lift me up."

"Oh my Lilly, my prayer is to be able to do just that for the rest of our lives." His voice suddenly sounded hoarse and gruff.

"Theo, how are we going to endure being apart like this?" she whispered after a moment. Her voice sounded so small and frightened that all Theo wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and keep her safe forever.

"I don't know either, my darling. When I think that I won't be able to see you for at least four days, it's like I can't breathe. But I know my God will take care of you wherever you are. And He will bring us together eventually, in His own perfect time."

"I just want all of this to be a bad dream, you know? And I will wake up and be in my room and my mom will be clanging the dishes downstairs preparing breakfast." She was sobbing softly now.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry my flower. Shh. I'm here. I promise you, this is just a dark valley you have to go through and it will be over some day soon. And you won't have to go through it alone. I'm here for you, yes?"

"I love you Theo. Do you even realize what you have done for me? I didn't know a love like that existed. Oh, I have always known that God loves me and that Jesus died on the cross for me, but I have never actually experienced such a love. Someone who will always be there when I need him, who will always understand and who will love me no matter what. You are that someone, Theo. You have shown me God's love for me in a way I never could have imagined. Thank you for that."

"My Lilly, I would lay down my life for you. I will, if you ever need me to. Never forget that. Now go to sleep, it's almost light. I'll talk to you tomorrow, all right?"

"Yes, I think I can sleep now. Thank you, Theo."

"Ok. Anything you need, don't hesitate to call, I'll be awake."

"Won't you sleep?"

"Are you kidding? Will I sleep? How could I fall asleep when there is a little flower out there that needs my prayers to stay alive? Go to sleep my little darling and rest assured I am keeping the nightly watch."

"Goodnight, my prince."

"Goodnight, my flower."

A couple of hours earlier, Catherine was saying goodnight to her parents.

"Goodnight, dad. Mom, wait, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Catherine, what is it?"

Catherine studied her fingernails for a moment. It was the second Saturday night they had missed services, although the new pastor was now on the pulpit. She had been fighting feelings of guilt ever since the announcement had been made that pastor John would be leaving them. She knew her parents had spoken with her uncle, the Bishop, but she had felt uneasy about the whole thing, so she hadn't demanded the particulars.

"I don't know, it's just… I'm not sure about what happened… what we did to the Reverend."

"What do you mean what we did? Catherine, we did nothing. We just laid bare the facts and your uncle made his decision, along with the Board of course. You see, dear, the Lord triumphed once more."

"The Lord! Come on, Ma. Everything that happened was _our_ doing. I know you did it all for my sake, but are you happy? Why don't I feel that you're happy?"

"How do you expect me to be happy? After everything that we've been through?"

"Well shouldn't you be happy? After all, we just got rid of the source of our problems."

"All I wanted was for you to be happy", her mother was starting to cry. "And now you too are turning against me."

"Ma, I'm not turning against you. I was just wondering about those things Theo said, you know, about me waiting for the man the Lord would choose for me. Maybe that's why I'm not happy. Actually, I wasn't exactly happy, even when I was with him. There was always something more that I wanted. And I am thinking now that maybe what I wanted was a man who would love me and would not have to be manipulated or forced into marrying me."

"Are you saying we did all these things? Are you accusing me and your father of- of manipulating and…" her mother was almost screaming now.

"No, no, Ma, I am not accusing you of anything. I know you did it all for me, I know I practically asked you to do these things for me, but, Ma, think about it. Did we even ask fro the Lord's opinion about any of this? I mean, shouldn't we be waiting for the Lord or something?"

"Honey, that's what we _are_ doing. The Lord keeps bringing these young men into your life, only they are too stupid, too worldly to appreciate a pure Christian girl like you. Or some loose girl steals them away…"

"Well, if we are indeed doing everything according to God's will, just tell me this, Ma. Why didn't we go to church today, I mean, since Mr. John is gone and all?"

Dianne sniffed loudly.

"I have been so hurt and disappointed, Catherine, by what that man did to our family, and to _think_ that he is supposed to be a Reverend… I can't imagine what your uncle can have been thinking, letting him just move on to another parish, to just go someplace else and wreck everybody's hearts."

"Ma, all I'm saying is…"

"My dear, your heart has been broken. We are all suffering along with you. Just don't blame yourself or your parents who love you, all right? The Lord will take revenge. I firmly believe it."

Her mother grabbed a box of tissues on her way to the bedroom, leaving Catherine to turn off the lights. But Catherine sat down on the table, with an unsettling feeling in her stomach. Something was terribly wrong with the things her mother had just said. That something had to so with the word "revenge".

She wondered, when did my mother start talking like that? Or is it just me that finally realized it?


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

The first Sunday service in the new church wasn't so bad for Lilly. For one thing, she was curious and for another she was prepared. She took in the new building, the new faces, the different organ and the way the lady organist used not only her hands but both her feet as well to play on it. Everyone was very welcoming and warm and she made a couple of new friends, one of which invited her to her home, which included a barn!

This was a very promising beginning indeed, but Lilly was aware throughout the service of a gnawing pain in her heart.

During the week, Lilly had searched for a job and had tried to bring a semblance of order to their new home. There were still a couple of boxes here and there, but it looked much more like a home. She hadn't yet found a job and she felt tired and disappointed, but she tried to focus on the things she had to be thankful for. Theo made this rather easy.

Now, as the next Sunday approached she didn't feel sure she had the energy to go through the same motions again. She didn't feel sure she could focus on praising the Lord when her heart ached so and when her eyes threatened to spill over with tears at the thought of the beloved faces that weren't seated around her, in their usual pews. And Theo hadn't said anything about coming over. Naturally, it was a long trip for him to be doing it every other week. Besides, he was calling or texting her every minute of the day, practically. He sent her a message every morning at 5.00 p.m. and they hung up late into each night.

On that Saturday night, Theo had "kissed" her goodnight on the phone as usual and hung up, before she gave in to the tears that were choking her. She slipped under the blankets, so that she wouldn't wake her father.

She didn't know for how long she had been sobbing softly when she heard a distinct noise outside her window. It was very warm in the house and she had left it open. There were actually two windows, that is a large French window with two doors, which stood now apart, widely open, while the white curtains were billowing in the gentle breeze.

Lilly told herself not to be silly. She had never slept with the window open before, but it was perfectly safe to do so in this little country village. There couldn't possibly be a burglar out there.

Then she heard it.

A soft melody coming from the strings of a guitar, in the notes of her favorite hymn. And then a voice, singing. His voice.

She got up and flung the window open. She went to the balcony, the ceramic tiles warm beneath her bare feet. She looked down and there was Theo, guitar in hand, looking straight up to her, and singing with all his might.

She didn't know what to do. She laughed, she cried, then she laughed again. A moment later, she felt her father's arm around her shoulders. He was smiling. He kissed her on the cheek and he gave Theo a thumbs-up before he discreetly disappeared behind the curtains again.

Lilly couldn't get her eyes off Theo's handsome face. When he finished singing, he just stood there for a moment gazing at her with adoration evident in his eyes. Then he laid his guitar softly against the small suitcase that had been standing next to him all the time and he leapt. Lilly knew a moment of panic, but he didn't fall. Instead, he climbed steadily over the banister and in a minute his face was inches from hers. He was looking straight into her eyes, and suddenly all she could do was throw her arms around him and draw him in as if the night was about to swallow him. She was aware of the fact that she was squeezing him too tight and that he probably couldn't breathe right now, but she wanted to make sure he was here and that nothing was separating them. Not the endless miles, nor the hateful gossip. As if hearing her thoughts, he buried his head in the hollow of her neck and whispered against her hair.

"I am here, my Lilly. I am here." He said it over and over again, until he felt her relax a little. Then he drew apart from her a little and bent his head to kiss her.

Theo wanted to stay at a hotel, but Mr. John wouldn't hear of it. Theo protested that it wouldn't be proper. The Reverend glanced at his daughter who had nestled inside the crook of Theo's arm and didn't take her eyes off his face for a minute, and whispered to him:

"She needs you, son."

Theo nodded and stayed.

On Sunday, Lilly's smile was so big, Theo felt it lit the whole world up.

After the service they were all invited to dine with the Smyths. This was the family whose little girl, Lucy, had fell in love with Lilly as soon as she saw her and Lilly had promised her the previous Sunday that she would go to her house.

The Smyths were lovely, warm people and made them feel comfortable at once. They talked easily over dinner, about their previous home and about the new parish, but every now and then Lilly turned to find a very deep frown darken Theo's face as he was looking at her. As soon as he caught her glance, however, his whole face lit up and she forgot everything else, lost in his enchanting smile and his sparkling, aqua-colored eyes.

She decided it must have been just her being over-sensitive and she let it go.

Later, after they had gone home, the Reverend went to have a nap. Lilly was in her room and had just changed out of her Sunday clothes, when she heard a light tap on her door.

"Are you ok?" He seemed to have difficulty breathing.

He laughed awkwardly, his hand running through his hair.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it was just seeing you- you know, you take my breath away and all that…"

Lilly felt her cheeks hot and all of a sudden she didn't know where to look.

"So, this is your new room, eh?" Theo asked casually after a bit.

"Well, not quite. I haven't taken everything out of their boxes yet."

"Wow!! You mean, there is even the remote possibility of putting up something more on these walls?"

Lilly laughed. It was true, she loved to post things on every available inch of wall, and her room was already looking like a multicolored exhibition of posters, photographs and beautifully crafted bible verses.

"I guess I don't like empty walls very much…"

"No, I love it. I hope you will decorate our own home like that."

"Our…."

"Yes, didn't you know? You and I are going to have our very own home one day. Just you and me. " But Lilly wasn't smiling. Indeed, she even looked a little pale. Theo strode to her and looked anxiously into her eyes. "Hey, what's the matter, honey?"

"I… I don't…."

"Tell me, sweetheart."

"It's stupid, but… I guess I'm afraid to feel happy after everything that's happened…"

His reaction surprised them both. He took her lips with such passion and violence that she felt she couldn't breathe. Abruptly, he stopped and almost pushed her away.

"I'm sorry- I… Did I hurt you, my Lilly?" He took her head in his hands and examined her solemnly.

"You- you made me feel faint", she smiled sheepishly. Theo run his hand over her slightly bruised lips and whispered:

"I don't know what came over me, it's just- I feel so fiercely protective around you, I want to just keep you safe from anything that could possibly hurt you. I want to make you happier than you've ever dreamed of becoming. I want to chase away every shadow that may threaten you…" he held her against her chest "and I want you to feel safe. Safe forever."

She looked at him then, and the love and longing in her eyes made his heart melt.

"You're just like Jesus", she said.

Suddenly he felt tears in his eyes.

"You of all people shouldn't be saying that. Why, you know all my faults, my failings…" his voice broke.

"What I know is the only place I have ever found a love like yours is in the arms of Jesus. And I know I can trust you to be always there for me when I need you."

"I am so afraid I might let you down, my Lilly."

She stroked his arm tenderly.

"Well, don't be. I wouldn't want a saint, you know. The fact that you're a man, with flaws, and yet you still fight to overcome them, that's what makes you so strong."

He couldn't say anything. He just drank in the love in her eyes. Then he smiled.

"Speaking of strong, this is the last time I'll ever stay here." She opened her lips to protest, but he stopped her. "There is nothing that I desire more than to please our Lord and I know that is what you want above all things, too, my Lilly. So I will not put myself and you in the way of temptation, until I can cross the threshold of our own home with you in my arms."

Lilly smiled in spite of herself. That seemed to settle it.

It seemed as if just a moment passed and they were at the airport.

Lilly shed a few tears, which she tried to hide. But Theo saw. He took her in his arms and held her tightly.

"It's okay, my Lilly. Don't try to hide from me. You can be yourself with me yes? You can be whatever you want with me."

"I'm so sorry, Theo. I want to be brave for you. No one likes a person who always whines…"

"Ah, well, you see, there's the catch. I don't just like you, my Lilly. I love you. I love you. Don't do this" he gently stroked her cheek with his fingers. "Don't take yourself down. It hurts me more than it hurts you."

"But I'm not. I'm just saying what is true. I know I'm not worthy of you. You know, you could find someone better any day and…" She suddenly stopped, astonished by the look of anger on his face. He was so furious, he was searching for the words to speak.

"I… Lilly, no! Don't ever say such things again- don't think them!" Then he seemed to realize that he was scaring her and he spoke calmly again, but there was such a look of intensity and even of pain in his eyes, she didn't dare interrupt him. "Oh, sweetheart. You still don't realize how much I love you, do you? I do love you, my Lilly. More than life itself. I have told you before, I would- I _will_ give my life for you, if ever the need arises." Then he hugged her again and whispered against her hair: "Don't worry, my sweet flower, we have all the time ahead of us, all the time you need for me to prove to you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. And then after that I will prove it to you again. And again. As many times as you want me to. Every day for the rest of our lives."

He kissed the top of her head long and hard and then he was gone.

As soon as she was back home, Lilly ran to her room, intending to have a good cry and get it out of her system. But as soon as she walked in, she noticed something on her pillow. It was a dark blue velvet box. Inside was a ring unlike any other she had ever seen. It was shaped delicately like a small flower, with a diamond in the middle. The flower was a lily. It reminded her of that lily Theo had put around her finger when he had proposed to her. She smiled and put it on, it fit perfectly.

Then she took the little box in her fingers to examine it and found that there was a little paper inside. She immediately recognized Theo's neat handwriting. It said:

"I hope that this will last longer than the last ring I gave you.

your Theo.

p.s. I have hidden my heart in there somewhere. I know you will

take good care of it."

Lilly started crying again. But this time they were tears of happiness.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

"Theo, can I ask you something? You seemed somehow preoccupied at the Smyth's the other day. Or was it just my impression?"

Theo hesitated on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to press you, I just wanted to know if there was something bothering you and I completely forgot to ask you afterwards", she added.

"You were right. There was something." Theo stopped again, considering his next words. They were three days into the new week, and seemed only to survive by taking deep breaths between their phone talks. He had hoped Lilly had forgotten about this little thing, but on the other hand he liked that she noticed everything that had to do with him. Now he was debating about how much to tell her.

"I… I am a little worried about you, that's all", he finally added.

"But why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I am overprotective, maybe… I don't know. I only know that if anything happens to you, I won't be able to rush to your side in a quarter of an hour. And that scares me."

"I see. But Theo, this is a very small town, almost a village. It's perfectly safe."

"Oh, my Lilly, that doesn't mean anything, I'm afraid."

"Well…. I don't want you to worry, dearest."

"I know the Lord is taking care of you, my flower, and that is the only comfort to me."

"Yes, that's right. It's what keeps me company, too. Even if we are apart, He is with both of us."

"Exactly, my darling. Now, what did you call me before?"

Lilly laughed. "I gotta go."

"No, no, no! Please call me that one more time. Please?"

"Dearest. Now I really have to go."

"Ok, that should last me for about an hour or so."

In the Culver's home, at about the same time, Dianne was hanging up the phone. She called to Catherine, who was in the next room:

"Your uncle will be here in about an hour. His plane was delayed."

"Oh, good. I was worried he had been called back again on business."

"Well, such an important man as that… I can tell you one thing, we are lucky to have him in the family."

"Ma, I don't know, I'm having doubts about this whole thing…"

"Catherine, I don't know why you should be so ungrateful. You can talk things over with your uncle. He can explain to you what you don't seem to be able to understand from me."

The Reverend Angus Culver arrived at his brother's home just in time for dinner. He was a few years younger than Catherine's father and maybe on the portlier side a bit, but his presence inspired an awe and respect that few men manage to, just by walking into a room. However, this house was family to him and he hugged them all warmly before they sat down to eat.

Afterwards, they moved to the living-room for coffee and Catherine found a chance to sit next to her uncle. She was debating how to start, when her uncle looked at her with those discerning eyes of his and said simply:

"You have been through a lot, my dear."

"Well, I have some questions, uncle."

"Oh, now, my dear, I am all at your disposal, but I think you know better than to ask me the usual questions, like why do these things happen to good people, or…"

"I admit than no matter how many sermons I have listened to on this subject, I still have some questions. But this is not what I wanted to ask you. Um… It's about the Reverend Pendleton. When do you think he would be coming back?"

"Oh, I don't think he will. Not after what happened. A pastor should know better than let his children create a scandal in his own parish. I wonder if I was too lax, you know."

"What scandal? I mean, it was Theo, my ex-fiancé, after all, who jilted me…"

"Come now, my dear. I know this comes out of the goodness of your heart, but let's call things by their actual names. This girl got engaged to him, while he was still supposed to be your fiancé."

Catherine looked at him in horror.

"No, no!! It didn't happen like that at all? Did Mr. John tell you this?"

"Well, he tried to conceal things, but he did admit that his daughter had recently become engaged to this young man."

"Recently, but we had already broken up. Uncle, I know he didn't betray me. In fact, I know he didn't even… you know, talk to her about things, until he had asked me to break up our engagement. You see, he told me everything before he did anything."

Reverend Culver was silent as the clock ticked. Finally, he said:

"Are you sure about these things? Couldn't this young man have… bended the truth a bit? You understand the meaning of what you are saying to me?"

"Uncle, I will not ask you who told you that Theo got engaged while we were still together, but I will tell you that my parents have been a bit anxious about me, because I have had a disappointment before, and just wanted to protect me from further hurt. But… at some point I realized that I… I feel guilty about the Reverend's replacement. After all, he had been here forever."

Her uncle was deep in thought.

"Are you telling me that I haven't got the facts right? That the Reverend and his daughter may not have behaved with impropriety?"

"Well, I'm afraid there is something else I must tell you, uncle." She hesitated.

"Go on, my dear. Surely you understand that a man's livelihood depends upon you sharing all the details with me."

"Yes, I do… All right, here it is. I…. I didn't want to break the engagement, so I told Theo that I wouldn't break up with him. Which I must say, he respected, but in the meantime he must… he must have fallen for this other girl. So maybe that's why it seemed like he was engaged to two girls, but the truth is our engagement was over and I knew that." She seemed so miserable, that her uncle smiled kindly and placed his hand on hers.

"Listen to me, my dear. I know how hard it was for you to tell me the things you just did and know that our Lord is very pleased with you in this moment. And I devoutly believe that He will bring into your life a man who will love you with all his heart and will be just the one for you."

"That's strange. Someone told me almost the exact same words, not two months ago."

"Well, I don't know who it was, but he certainly was right. Now, I hope I don't need to tell you that everything you have told me is absolutely confidential."

"Thank you uncle."

"Now, I think I need to get some rest."

Her uncle got up and Catherine felt as if a large weight had been lifted off her heart.

However, it was not before a whole year had passed that the Rev. John Pendleton could come back to his beloved parish.

Lilly had finally found a job of sorts, waitressing in a small café. It wasn't exactly what she had been looking for, and unfortunately only the late afternoon shift was available, but work was work and she was happy to have found it.

So in the mornings she studied and then at about 5.30, she started for work. It was a very short distance, and not wanting to deprive her father of the car, she walked there. Besides, she really enjoyed walking, even though she did have to pass through a rather lonely alley, which was conspicuously dark on her way back. But she never worried about it. She said a quick prayer and walked as fast as she could.

She had been working there for almost two weeks now and nothing had happened to make her worry so far. Unfortunately, this was about to change.

It was Wednesday again. Maybe that was part of the reason for everything that happened that night. Lilly afterwards always thought it had been, when the memory unexpectedly entered her head, that is, because she never thought about it if she could help it. It was one of those experiences that are too painful, too traumatic to ever think about voluntarily.

Anyway, that night, at approximately 10:30, Lilly was walking home from the café, thinking, as she usually did on Wednesdays, on that long-ago Wednesday that had started it all. That was the reason she had forgotten to walk fast and also the reason why she didn't become aware of the man till it was too late. She was thinking about how intense and concerned Theo's eyes had looked on that day, when she had opened her eyes to find herself in his arms, when she felt someone grab her roughly.

She tried to turn around to see who it was, but the man twisted her arm until it hurt so much she thought she might pass out. She fought to stay conscious, however, and opened her mouth to scream. A thick, dirty hand was clamped on her lips, so tightly she could hardly breathe. She sent a desperate prayer towards heaven as she felt her clothes being ripped off her body. Then something hit her hard and she fell, her head smacking against the pavement. Darkness enveloped her.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Lilly slowly opened her eyes. Everything was blurry, but starting to come into focus. All she could see a pair of eyes. A pair of endless, sky-blue eyes that seemed to take up her whole vision.

"Oh, my girl, you're awake!" he whispered hoarsely, his voice coming with difficulty as if he had been shouting before. It was strange, but there appeared to be streaks of tears down his cheeks. She tried to ask him what was wrong, but it was so hard to try to move her lips. Theo made soothing sounds and for a moment he couldn't speak either, he was crying so hard. But they were tears of relief it appeared, because he was smiling. He bent across from her and pressed the button for the nurse. Then he held her gently, while gently stroking her hair and murmuring:

"Oh thank You, Lord, thank You, thank you, sweet Jesus, oh my girl, I was so scared…"

Then the nurse came in, with Lilly's father in tow and a couple of moments later Tom and Lee walked in the door, a little out of breath, for they had been running. Lilly looked at them in surprise, her head becoming clearer by the second.

"Tom, what are you doing here? How long have I…?"

"Shh, honey, don't talk for a minute." The nurse gave a commanding look to everyone, and they gave her a little space. Lilly tried to stay composed for as long as the nurse needed, but her mind was bursting with questions. Her father seemed to sense this, and he told her in a suppressed tone that reminded her of high school, when she wanted to talk to her friend in the middle of a lesson:

"You've been out for a couple of hours, Lilly-girl. You gave us a good scare. You hit your head, you know."

"Oh… Where's Theo?" she suddenly asked in panic.

Her father just nodded in a direction slightly to the left of her bed and she turned her head. Theo was sitting on the bed next to her, and she slowly realized that he wasn't in his clothes. He was wearing a hospital gown similar to what she must be wearing right now herself, and there was a thin tube connecting his arm to an IV. However, he was smiling at her encouragingly, as if it was normal for him to be sitting on a hospital bed and his only concern was for her. It wasn't so simple for Lilly, though. She was going crazy with worry and confusion, something that the nurse seemed to notice, and she turned and sent everyone from the room. They turned obediently, if somewhat reluctantly to go, but Theo didn't move.

"And you should go to your room, Mr. Theobald", she told him, addressing him as if he was a little child. Her tone was totally lost on him, though.

"I will stay, sister." He said calmly, not taking his eyes off Lilly. There didn't seem to be any point in arguing with him, the nurse said to herself wryly a couple of minutes later, as she was exiting Lilly's room. Anyway, the medication would soon kick in and the girl would fall asleep, she reasoned.

"What happened, Theo?" Lilly asked anxiously as soon as the nurse was out of earshot. Theo got up and sat down next to her, carefully.

"It's ok, my Lilly, you're safe now."

"Where is he? Did he…?" suddenly her eyes filled with horror.

"No! No, no, no. Listen to me", he cupped her worried face with his hand, looking into her eyes, as if he was willing the terrifying images to go away forever. "I knocked you out of the way, just in time. A couple of moments later the police were there, and everything was under control. But you hit your head hard as you fell, I couldn't catch you, and I was afraid…" He stopped abruptly, his eyes tightly shut.

"You were there? How?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You don't know this part." He actually smiled at this, which was a good sign, Lilly thought. "I came to your house and your father said you were still at work and would be back soon. But I couldn't wait even one second, so I went to the coffeehouse to find you. Then, as I came to that dark alley, I saw that man… grabbing you, and I thought he wanted to rob you. I don't even know myself how I called the police, because I don't remember doing it, but I must have. And then I ran and as I came close to you I saw what he was really about and you- you were…. I can't imagine hw scared you must have been…" They were both crying by this point and Theo reached over and hugged her tight, totally disregarding the little tubes that were surrounding her, although a minute later he seemed to remember their presence and apologized. Lilly didn't let go of him, however.

"So he hurt you?" she asked when they had calmed down a bit.

"Oh, well, it's no big deal, my Lilly. I don't actually remember what happened exactly, I was so distracted worrying about you. I was just trying to keep him from you, and then he took out his gun…"

"He had a _gun_?"

Theo went on, as if he hadn't heard her question, lost in the horror of those moments.

"All I could think about was that I should cover your body as well as I could with mine so that he couldn't hurt you. And then the shot was heard, but it's strange because I didn't feel any pain, or didn't notice it…. Suddenly I heard sirens and the man started running, but he didn't get to go very far. I picked you up in my arms… God, I was so frightened, you weren't moving at all, you weren't even breathing it seemed. I knew he hadn't managed to touch you, but my brain couldn't accept it, in the face of the danger you had just been in. Then the paramedics came and they wanted to take you, but I wouldn't let you go, I just couldn't let anyone else touch you…. I don't think I will ever forget how you looked, I was running, yet you were so still in my arms, so still and so pale, your clothes all torn- I had covered you with my jacket as best I could and I was afraid you might not ever wake up…"

The memory seemed to be too much for him and he pressed his lips tightly, tears squeezing from his eyes.

"I'm fine now, Theo. It's over, dearest."

He buried his head in her stomach, hot tears burning their way through the thin fabric of the hospital sheets. Lilly just kept stroking his hair and murmuring soothing sounds.

"You did mean it, didn't you?" she mused aloud.

"What?" came his muffled voice.

"That you would lay down your life for me…"

His head came up abruptly at this and he looked into her eyes.

"My Lilly, I would give my life _now_, if that could take away the memories and the pain…. But it can't and I don't know what to do… how to comfort you."

"You're here." She just said.

He smiled and then held her as she slept.

Lilly was released from the hospital as soon as they had run some tests on her and had made sure she was completely fine, which was a day later. Theo never left her side for a minute and insisted that he be released the same time as she. He had been wounded on the left upper arm but it wasn't a deep wound, so the doctors let him go.

Her brother and Lee had taken off after they had seen Lilly safely returned to the house, and she sat on her bed, silently looking out of the window, when Theo came in. He gently shut the door behind him and sat down beside her.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Me?" For a minute he seemed to have forgotten his bandaged arm. Then he touched it absently and said, "it's ok".

Lilly turned to look at him.

"I never said thank you."

"Yes, you did. Every minute." He smiled, but his smile seemed to fade as he thought of something. "Listen, my flower, I need to talk to you about something that I have been thinking as long as we were in the hospital. Actually, I have been thinking about this since we were in the ambulance."

Lilly's face became serious, too. There was something in his eyes infinitely sad and he looked sort of desperate.

"Go on", she said, for he seemed to be sinking in the memory of that night again.

"Remember a conversation we had on the phone a couple of days ago, when I told you I was worried about you, that I felt I was too far away to be able to take care of you…?" Lilly nodded and he went on. "Well, it wouldn't be too much to say that my worst fears have come true. And, I can't help thinking that this would not have happened if you hadn't moved out here." He held out a hand to stop her, as she opened her mouth to protest.

"Now, I know you will not see this my way at first, but please hear me out, ok? We both know the real reason why your father was transferred here. So, if the reason was out of the way, maybe you could dome back. I mean, it is worth a try. And if I was to get out of the picture, probably everything could go back to what it had been before I came along and messed up your lives…. Oh, my girl, I am so sorry, come here, don't cry."

For as she was listening to him, large tears had started to make their way down her cheeks. He took her arms in his, concern in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, my girl. It's just, I can't bear the thought of you being so far from all the people you know, from your brothers, and having to walk through that alley every time you do to work… It's just unbearable… I'll do anything in my power to save you from this-"

He was unable to continue, as his words were drowned in the sweetest kiss from her lips.

"Theo, dearest, I'm not crying because you hurt me. You didn't. In fact, you did just the opposite."

"I didn't, my Lilly? Then why are you crying?" He gently wiped her eyes with his fingers.

"Don't you see? You just proved to me how much, how deeply you love me, as you said you would. The other day, you put yourself in danger just to protect me, I mean, you could easily have been killed and you wouldn't even have noticed." Theo chuckled softly at this. "Well, it's true. But I don't know why, what you said just now, what you were prepared to do for me… it touched me so deeply. You would sacrifice so much just to make my happiness certain. You would-"

"Wait, wait. Why are you saying 'would'? I am proposing to do this, you know."

"I know. But I also know that if what you want is to keep me happy and safe, well there is only one way for that to happen. Only one place _where_ it can happen. And that place is in your arms."

So that's were she was, immediately. And she didn't move from that magical place the whole afternoon. They laughed, they cried, they painted their future. Then they prayed together, their hands intertwined, their tears of thankfulness and joy mingling, until the night came and they fell asleep in each others arms, no one finding the strength to move away, the fear of nearly losing each other still too fresh in their hearts.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

The Reverend John Pendleton came back to his beloved parish and to the place he and his family had called home for so many years at about a year and a half after the day he had left it. The joy and celebration that welcomed his return can only be imagined.

And then, a couple of months later, it was April. And Theo and Lilly's wedding day was coming closer.

They were married on the first Saturday in May, in a warm little ceremony filled with sunshine and flowers.

Lilly got ready in the quietness of her room, insisting that she wanted only Mary for company. She had just put on her dress and Mary was doing up her zipper, when the doorbell rang. They heard voices downstairs and laughter and the cooing sounds of her brother Jac's baby boy, Joey. A couple of minutes later Tom and Lee arrived and Lilly was bursting with excitement. She wanted to go downstairs and show everyone her dress, but Mary was firm. It should be a surprise. Mary turned her gently around and they both gazed on their reflections in the mirror.

Lilly's dress was rather simple, more of a dress than a gown, its only ornament being the intricate lace that was decorating the three-quarter sleeves and the full skirt. When she had asked Theo what he wanted her wedding dress to look like, he had just smiled and said:

"I picture you in a light, white dress, the kind you would wear on a warm spring day, while I would push you on a swing, your hair flowing in the breeze. I want you to be my Lilly when we are standing up there together, not a made-up fashion queen, you know?"

Lilly had laughed at this.

"Yeah, like I could ever look like a fashion-queen."

"My Lilly, you do look like a princess to me. Always. And, you are the queen of my heart."

They had chosen the dress together, going against tradition. But when his mother had asked Lilly why she didn't keep it a surprise for Theo, she had simply said that all she wanted for her wedding day was to be beautiful for him. Besides, what was the point of surprising him if she couldn't share the happiness of choosing her wedding dress with her very best friend?

Now, as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she felt such a surge of happiness in remembering the look on Theo's face when he had first seen her in it.

They still had a couple of minutes to kill before taking the short walk to church. Mary went downstairs to tell everyone that the bride was ready, and Lilly went and sat on the edge of her bed. She looked out the window for a moment and then she reached over to her nightstand and took her bible. She opened it to her favorite part of Psalm 119 and read:

Direct me in the path of your commandments,

For I delight in them.

She shut her eyes for a moment and prayed for this the new life she was about to embark on. She prayed for herself and Theo, she prayed for their new home and she prayed for this strange and all-powerful feeling she felt taking root in her heart, love. Then suddenly an image of her mother popped into her thoughts. Without her realizing it, tears had pooled in her eyes, and they now started slowly descending down her cheeks, both cool and terribly hot at the same time.

Then she heard the door softly clicking and she turned her face aside, trying to appear casual while wiping her eyes. She expected Mary to ask her what was the matter or something like that, but she just heard her steps coming closed, muted by the thick carpet. She felt someone kneeling next to her and then a warm, familiar touch.

"Theo! What are you doing here? Why-"

"Shh, my girl. I came to do this." He took out a handkerchief and gently wiped her cheeks. Only then did she notice for the first time, he was in his tuxedo. He was so breathtakingly handsome, the color of his eyes so exquisite, she almost feared he wasn't real. And he was smiling that smile that made her head spin.

"No one knows I'm here. I snuck in by the side door and then stole to your room, while they were all being goofy around Joey, it was quite easy actually, I was disappointed." Lilly laughed, all signs of tears now gone.

"How did you know?" she asked simply.

Theo placed his hand against her heart and whispered:

"That's how. Now listen to me, my flower. She knew it before she went, my Lilly. I do believe it. The Lord must have shown her that her little girl would be happy and safe. And right now, I think He is whispering in her ear how wonderful her Lilly's wedding day will be."

"I think you are right, Theo. She was so calm every time we talked about my future; I think now that she somehow knew of this joy."

"I know you miss her, my Lilly, but I promise you we'll see them some day. Her and my father, too."

They held each other for a minute, and then he whispered in her ear:

"Come on, let's get married."

"Ok. But shouldn't you sneak out again?"

"And leave you to walk down the aisle alone?"

"My dad…."

"Your dad has a lot on his hands, what with performing the ceremony and everything. Besides, I am not leaving your side, not ever again."

So they came down the stairs together.

The wedding party seemed to go on forever to Lilly and Theo. Every now and then, Theo turned and looked into her eyes. They didn't speak at all. It seemed if they started talking, they wouldn't be able to stop. But these looks they exchanged, they were filled with so much meaning, so much joy and so much impatience, that every time it happened it left Lilly with a desire to laugh and cry all at once.

But finally, when most of the guests seemed to have been served a slice of wedding cake, Theo took her hand in his and they almost ran to the door. As soon as they were outside, he scooped her up in his arms and pressed her head tightly in his chest, as if he was afraid she might disappear into thin air.

He didn't let go of her until late into the next morning.


	20. Chapter 20

EPILOGUE

A sudden hush fell in the room. The whole extended family was gathered in the living-room of the vicarage. Joey was in the corner playing, Reverend John keeping an eye on him. Joey was now four and he had a little cousin, who was sleeping peacefully in her mother's Lee arms.

Theo tuned his guitar briefly and stood up, right in front of Lilly. He looked at her and she felt that they were the only people in the world. It was strange; after three years of marriage he still made her heart forget to beat every time he looked at her. Now he spoke and his voice enchanted her as if it was the first time she was hearing it.

"Thank you all for celebrating with us our third wedding anniversary. Now, if she will allow me, I want to give my wife her present."

After a few introductory chords, his sweet tenor filled the room.

Lilly immediately recognized one of their favorite songs and her eyes filled with tears. It was "To Have And To Hold" by Don McLean.

Theo sang every word to her, only to her, drinking in her eyes, her beauty, his eyes misting along with hers.

As the seasons go circling,

and the years spin away

And the highway grows narrow,

at the end of the day  
There's a promise I made you,

on the first day of spring  
To have and to hold

this gold wedding ring……

When he finished he bent to kiss her, long and hard, forgetting everybody else in the room. The others slowly got up and left one by one, each mumbling something about cutting the cake, or needing a glass of water, or Joey needing to visit the loo.

As soon as they were alone, Theo took Lilly in his arms and whispered in her ear:

"Are you happy?"

She looked at him through her eyelashes and said instead,

"How is it possible that I am happier every day when I wake up?"

He smiled and caressed her ring finger, the one with the elegant wedding band with his name inside.

"How is it possible that I love you more every day when I wake up?"

They shared another long kiss and then he smiled mischievously and said:

"Something tells me that you are going to love the cake I ordered. Something to do with strawberries…."

"Must you always think of everything?"

"Yes. Yes I must." His face became serious. "Because everything to me is you." Then ne bent down to kiss her again.

FINIS

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